Monday, July 31, 2006

Quick Shout Out

Seems as though I have new readers lurking in the background now. They appear to particularly like the stories of my resident lesbians

So a quick welcome and hello to the boys at a certian recruitment place in a certian town named Leeds.

Just remember i now know who you are and when you are on here so best watch your P's and Q's lads :-)

Happy reading

P.S I will keep you updated on the Lesbians activities

2nd post : Thank you ...

Thank you very much to the obviously badly endowed bastard in his massive Range Rover for cutting me off this morning at the lights !!!
They made a turning lane for a reason join the queue you small dicked impatient idiot !!!

Thank you to the oh so lovely cashier at tescos this morning, You obviously love your job so much. How many times did I have to tell you no I do not need cash back. After yelling at you for the 3rd time you say to me '' there is no need for that response miss, you know I do not need to serve you ???'' YOU CALL WHAT YOUR DOING ALREADY SERVICE !!!

Thank you to the man who decided it would make more sense this morning to run down the middle of the road to catch his bus then the more conventional route of the pavement. Yes I did need to honk my horn at you aggressively!! Yes I did need to yell at you '' get off the road you muppet !!! Or I will actually hit you !!'' and yes I did need to yell '' next time drag your ass out of bed on time to make the bus that you take every morning and every morning you run down the road cause you are late !!!!'' get a watch learn how to read time and use the damn pavement !! it is there for a reason ..... pedestrians..... roads are for cars dickhead

Rant done now it will be a good day I swear
( yes I still wish to kill my workmate but whatever if I drink through the day it will seem a good day no matter what ! )

2 Posts today : Part 1 The Lesbians are Back

Right they are back everyone and they are back with a vengeance!!! Not only did they roll on in at like midnight last night they did it noisily and on top of that I am pretty sure they did not even make it through the front door before they were at it.

I am amazed at the stamina of lesbians!! Are all lesbians like marathon runners ?? Can they go for hours without coming up for air ?? Are they all finely tuned athletes ? Or is it just my local lesbians?!

These girls do impress me although it would be nice if they would kindly screw when I am not trying to sleep. I wonder how it would be taken if I gave them some kind of rota like this :

6:00 - 8:00 am - no sex Louisa has just woken up and does not need to hear either of you wailing like its the second coming of Christ

9:00 - 18:00 - Go at it girls !!!! Screw like bunnies no one is there and you can make as much noise as you like !!!

18:00 - 22:00 - no actual sex if you want a bit of heavy petting but without making noise then do it. I am trying to either watch telly or work. It is very hard to watch my various crap shows with the background noise of what could be mistaken for a murder !

22:00 - 6:00 - NO SEX !!!! You are disturbing my cat and he may need some kitty therapy of some sort at this rate girls !!!

Somehow giving the lesbians a rota from the neighbor downstairs sounded a good idea in my head but now that I have visualized this I am thinking it would not get a welcomed reception

any thoughts ??

Monday, July 24, 2006

Diving in , Damn the Consequences

Right normally I do not wade into the political mine field of this world let alone the middle east. I normally leave this for my world dominating little sister. However I have had enough of the bleeding heart pure lefting wing reporting I am forced to watch on a daily basis. Damn the people who may come after me for the below statement, but that's the joy of free speech and free thinking and most importantly free will.

ISRAEL AND LEBANON ARE AT WAR PEOPLE !!!!! This is not some little fight. These are not school children fighting in the playground over who's turn it is to kick the damn ball!!

I am sick of the bleeding heart news reports. Reports banging on about how the people of Lebanon are suffering and bombs are dropping here and there. Lets clear something up: Lebanon started this. More precisely the Hezbollah started this ok. Also big difference in the bombing tatics. Where Israel is dropping fairly precise bombs on specific targets, Military, factories etc. The Lebanese are just launching those bastards any old which way they want, basically where ever the breeze takes them. BIG DAMN DIFFERENCE PEOPLE !!!!

They are now saying on the news that humanitarian aid is needed in Lebanon. People this is not apoor country. This is not a country being attacked for no reason. It is not a Indonesia or a Darfur where people are suffering at no fault of their own. This a country that has effectively declared war ( yet again ) on its neighbor's.

For the first time ( and hopefully the last time ever ever ever ) I agree with George bush and his stance on this and Tony Blairs stance on this. Israel needs to finish this get out and I suppose in a way make their point.

People may disagree with me on this but you know what I do not care it is my opinion stated as eloquently as I can. Take it or leave it. Comment or do not comment up to you.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Have You Ever........

Have you ever wanted to actually kill someone you work with ?

Have you ever then thought to yourself '' yes I could get away with this and even if they did catch me I will class it as self defense because my sanity is slowly but ever increasingly ebbing away''

and then have you ever thought '' yep all charges would be dropped as the justice system would fully agree with your self defense/temporary insanity plea''

Well I am currently at that stage ..... oh sweet lord above help me !!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Oh The Heat !

Oh good lord above it has been hot here. I am not one to complain about a little bit of good weather. However when it is weather that is slowly melting me quicker then the wicked witch of the east I will complain !

I have to say I was not prepared for the kind of heat we have recently been treated to here. Monday was warm at 30 but livable Tuesday was warmer still at 32 degrees not so nice plus in all my wisdom and forward thinking I went to the gym. Yep I am stupid and yes I regretted it but god damn did I sweat those pounds off !!!

And then there was yesterday ..... 34 and half degrees !!! Jesus it was hot and it was humid and it was gross. It was like walking in pea soup but not as tasty. You could see others visibly reeling backwards when they made their first steps outside the air conditioned building. You could then see them mouth the words ' fuck me !! Its hot !!' no shit Sherlock !

There are other downsides to this weather many to list. However the biggest downside is as follows: Pasty white skinny, not so attractive tattoo covered English men with there shirts off. Seriously it is enough to turn you off the male spieces !!! It is so so bad. Just as bad are the over weight, again possibly slightly unattractive, scally looking English girls that insist on showing as much wobbly skin as possible !!!! Its so bad.

So my campaign for shit weather to return. For all the bad taste uneducated masses to get dressed again and for my ' Manchester webbed feet' to return.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Brown Boy

Today as promised to my lovely brown boy, Ricardo, I am going to write about him. Now we can call this a type of classified as I have a plan to sell this boy to the single women of the world. Although it cannot just be any old women she has to be at least smart, relatively good looking , smallish, and able to put up with Richie's ego as well ( yes you have a ego my boy and you know it!!!! ha ha )

Ricardo is actually one of my not so little brothers best friends and if I am honest probably turned out to be one of my best friends as he is the nicest guy out there.

Here is ' the brown boys heritage : Venezuelan,Peruvian,Swiss and Canadian ( god I hope I got that right ) As you can tell he is a basic bog standard Heinz 57 with a little Latin flavor thrown in for good measure.
*( before you get offended as some might, the brown boy reference is a term of affection from the Taylor family to him we also call him our house boy as well. Deep down we know he loves it !! )

Anyway he rocks in his own little Latin way. At Christmas he joined us all in the North for New Years in the UK, it was a experience I will never forget !!!!

Not only did he believe that all English women loved him ( some may have ) he also thought he had the best English accent ever !!! HE DIDN'T !! It was terrible in fact it was so so embarrassing when he did it in public that we all ran away as far as possible. On one occasion we all went shopping at Cheshire Oaks on the new years bank holiday. Richie and Phil ( other best mate, Very very tall Blonde Dutch Commando) decided that they were going to test their theory that the accent was perfection and worked at all times. As we walked through the packed Oaks both boys started yelling ' OI LOOK AT THESE FIT BIRDS WE ARE WITH !!!!!!!' My mum was so embarrassed and amused at the same time that she was laughing so hard she nearly wet herself and hiding behind any large object she could find!!! And that is Richie through and through takes the piss has a laugh and can be a giant yet lovable pain in the ass at times.

When ever he comes to visit us when we are at Mum's she always says after he leaves' what a lovely lovely guy ' sickening isn't it !!! We think she would love to pass him off as one of her own , be difficult considering he is the brown boy and we are as white as the driven snow. But I am sure she would find a way if she could.

So there is a taste of the Latin boy for you all and below a few pics as well ( you will soon see what I mean when I say he thinks he is gods gift !! ha ha ) I hope you enjoyed this rather long ramble about one person.
it had to be done. I can safely say that one of the reasons I am happy to move back home is because I can piss about with Richie when I get back and know a guaranteed good time and laugh is to be had !!!

' yes ladies I am ready and waiting all yours'

' I am the man and everyone knows it'

This boy loves his food and always charms his way into a good meal at Mum's

Monday, July 10, 2006

The Animals in My Life

I have a large amount of animals linked to me ( pets and the like that is !! ) so here are a few pictures of some of them for you . The only one missing is Clio/Leo the gender confused cat. I will some day attempt to pin him down and get a picture. By the way he has got a new obsession ......Bubbles the damn cat is in love with bubbles ..... God he is weird !

Ah Penny. This dog rocks !!!!! She leads the life of Riley with Mum now getting all the scraps, a pig ear every night before bed and she even has her own special blanket .... On mum's bed and sleeps with her . Like I said life of Riley !!!

Dikker. Possibly one of the fattest animals I have ever had in my life !!! Although mum has politely informed me that he has recently lost weight.....Where I ask where ?!?!

Edward the Donkey. Now he is possessed by Satan of the Donkey world but he is the coolest damn donkey of the underworld !!!

THUNDER !!!!! The biggest hugest horse ever seen !!! He looks big and he is big, Mum calls him Big Boy. He is actually as soft as a marshmallow give this boy food and he is yours for life !

So there you go a few animals for you to see !

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I Have Returned from the Motherland

Hello all !!! So sorry not been very active on here. I have been in the homeland ( Canada ) and decided that I would not post whilst there as computers remind me of work to be frank!!!

I am going to be short on this post due to fact that I am jet lagged like a bastard right now and fear I may fall asleep and drool on my key board ha ha !!!

But here are some pictures for you all:

I had to put this one on as it is one of the very very if not the only photo I have ever liked of myself was so impressed !!!!

My lovely mum. Had a great time with her and the family and surprise surprise we did not even fight !!!!

My Uncle Murray and my brothers girlfriend the beautiful Amanda

AND FINALLY ....... My not so little brother on the left , George and his best friend and good friend to me as well Ricardo or otherwise known as ' The Latin lover'

Now there are loads more pics which will post over the next little while and tell you all more !!