Monday, February 20, 2006

George Bush: The spongy Yellow WMD

In our office we have a couple of those sponge stress ballthings. Ours are all different shapes and sizes such as a cable drum and a star trooper as well from star wars. But by far the weirdest one is a sponge yellow figure of George Bush ! Odd I know so very strange !!!! This is him:

Now I realize you are now looking at this yellow blob and thinkg ' looks nothing like George W' but it is. See I tried to poke his eyes out with a pencil and it did not work. Then I tried to rip his head off his shoulders and it would not come off. So we just decided to color on his face and now we think he looks like Fidel Castro.

Seriously he is like a cockroach nuclear war would not kill this thing ( believe me as above we have tried )

Anyway most people squeeze or play with these things to relieve stress . Do they do that in my office ........

hell no !!!! We chuck them at each other as hard as humanly possible then roll around on the floor in fits of laughter at the other persons pain.

I did this today and loved it !! Normally I could not hit the broadside of a barn door ... Today was different. Today I went right up to the person ( he fully desvered this for what he had said ) and hurled it at him at high speed. I was aiming for the back of his head but some how I managed to hit him square in the ear. Honestly was the funniest thing I had seen all day. It was pure stress relief !!!!

So I recommend to anyone rather then squeezing these stupid things .. Chuck em !! Chuck em hard and fast it is so much fun and the stress just disappears instantly !!!

So hence George being the WMD of the office.

( George is slightly melted now on the back of his head due to be left on the radiator over night )

There is my tip for the day everyone . Chuck a George around and the day will right its self instantly for you all :-)

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Things to thank my Parents for ( all said sarcastically)

I have many things to thank my parents for. Before I continue this post I do have to make it clear that there are many many good things I am grateful for but damn the following I blame all on them:

1 . Thanks is given to them for the fact that I am a routine based person. You may be thinking , nothing wrong with a bit of routine. Well there is!!! I do the exact same thing every single morning : alarm goes off shut alarm off ( never have I hit snooze in my life ) feed the cat watch the news have a shower blow dry hair put makeup on straighten hair leave house at exactly 6:52 am . This happens almost every moring. On the odd occasion the routine is broken or disturbed the whole day is then completely screwed !! I blame this onto he military style up bringing !! There were no free spirit hippy like people in my family there was logic and organization and because of this I am routine based. All their fault.

2. My inability to be tidy!! Seriously I blame this on my lovely parents completely as well!! When I was a kid every Saturday was room inspection day( yes I know you are all laughing now but my sister Alex will vouch for this ritual) we used to stand by our beds and wait for it to be inspected for the week. I once prayed to god that if he made Dad pass my room as spotless that I would play golf with him every day when I got up to heaven ( yes I thought god played golf as a child and my logic behind this was I was so bad at golf god would love me as he would always win ) Dad did not pass me that day . My faith in God faltered at the age of 10. When I moved out it was like the chains of tidiness had been broken and all ability to be tidy disappeared. Why do I blame them for this ?? Because I believe if they had been less rigid witht he clean thing I would not have this natural aversion to it all. Every Sunday I clean my flat kitchen bathroom the works and it looks great .... By Tuesday it looks like 20 wild children have lived there. I am useless at it

3. I blame them for my constant worrying about money. I think this may be a gentitic thing as it seems to be a Taylor family trait. Honestly when I get paid I do not jump for joy I go into panic mode and start thinking about how I could be living on the streets by the end of the month . In actual fact I manage to make it through every single month and never slept on the streets yet. My mum is a natural worrier with money and I believe she has passed this on to me

And finally I blame my parents for this :

Who does this to their child !!!!!!!! My parents did !!! Honestly I was destined to be screwed for life relationship wise when they made me wear that T-shirt saying ' future fox' it was like tempting fate. And then to top it off record it in photo form for all to see in the future !!! Plus it cannot be a good sign when your Dad's mustache actually covers half his face.

So I blame them for this damn picture !!!! Why !!!!????

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Delay and a thought

Very short post for you all ( sorry ) first thing I lied no pic today as it was to big and my I.T wizard here at work is taking it home with him to make it small to post it fingers crossed tomorrow all ...Believe me worth the wait !!


what a stupid stupid day. ( of course if was not single I would more then likely be singing a different tune ha ha )

till tomorrow

Monday, February 13, 2006

Again far to lazy to think of a good title for this post sorry

Well another week begins. This is a slightly different week due to the fact that it is Valentines day tomorrow. Fingers crossed we do not get any of the sickly sweet stuff going on here in the office. You know flowers delivered chocolates blah blah blah . This is of course spoken as any single person speaks. Valentine's day is like the anti christ to singles through out the world.
We all say things like its not even a real holiday sort of day or the businesses of the world have created it. You know the things we single people say all play down to the fact that yeah were single.
It is a weird strange and as far as I am concerned pointless and stupid day ! There said my single persons piece on Valentines day.

Right next thing : I LOVE THE WINTER OLYMPICS !! Seriously I do. I have spent the entire weekend watching a huge amount of winter sports. I have watched from Downhill skiing to Nordic cross country and loved every second of it . Yes I know sad pathetic really boring but it makes me happy so shut up ok ?! But the ultimate highlight was Jennifer heil won gold medal for Canada in the freestyle moguls. She was amazing fantastic and unbelievable to watch and desvered that metal like nobody's business !! What makes it better is she is from my neck of the woods ( Spruce grove Alberta) my brother knows her and once had a major crush on her I believe I believe I have met her once but cannot be sure. But she was great and a big up to her for doing it at only 22 years old !

Also this weekend I went to a friend of mines , Pete and his wife Wendy, grand opening of their new venture Bar Bibo in Northerden. I could see this being deadly for me as I loved the place and was so relaxed there. So yeah deadly as can see myself being there very often at this rate !!!

Right that's it. Heads up for tomorrow : baby pic of me should make you laugh or scream with fear ... You will see why

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Girls and Boys

Girls and boys are funny old creatures it has to be said. They are so freakishly similar but polar opposites at the same time. I would say this bothers me and confuses me as well.

I have never understood the great divide between the two sexes or how it came about. Why is it that men react to a situation one way and women a complete opposite way
Pipe bursts in kitchen
Mans Reaction: hmmm pipes burst well I will have another can of beer and then go over pretend to be a plumber and attempt to fix it myself. All the while the kitchen is flooding. There is no reaction to the fact that the floor is flooding there is no sense of panic ( this is probably due to the fact that they have just finished the 5th can of beer and it is only 1:00 in the afternoon) so the reactions of a male in this situation are two : firstly they have the ' ego' the I can fix this and I will do it in my own time even if my women is screaming at me in the background. Secondly they just do not care !!!! Ever !!!

women's Reaction : Firstly we run around screaming to begin with ( yes I know not all women do this physically but all women do this mentally in there brain) then we do the appropriate thing and call a professional !!! A actual plumber boys, someone who knows how to fix the problem. We turn the water off at the main and whilst waiting for the plumber we clean up the mess. We do this all while you sit oblivious to everything watching the football and cracking your 6th can of beer open saying ' need any help hun ?' we scream no ( the scream should have been your warning that something terrible is happening and your dull male instincts should kick in to help the female ....They don't ) Plumber arrives pipe fixed kitchen clean and the man works his way to the 7th can. There is one reaction from a women in this situation : LOGIC !! We logically clean up logically call the plumber and most logically do not ask for assitance from the drunk male on the couch !!!

So you see this confuses me. We are both the same make up we are both logical thinking beings and we both have brains and some intelligence ( lots or little ) yet we do things so differently!! Yes it would be a boring world if everyone reacted the same way to every situation. But to the major incidents in our lives it would be so much easier if we could flip a switch at the point of mayhem and react identically. I think if we could do that there would be less spousal murder less divorce and generally less aggravation in the world
Am I being naive ... yep most definitely and have I lived by myself for to long to not realize how a male female daily relationship works ... Probably. But I stand by what I say life would just be easier if men and women were more similar. If we reacted to things the same way

( yes I know this is a random if not somewhat strange post ... Deal with it ok ? :-)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Last night someone laughed at something I said and the thing I said was not very British what so ever. In fact it got me thinking after the conversation there are a lot of things I say that are not very British at all. Here are a few some will have translations :

Walking like a drunk hooker on skates = can be taken in so many ways such as nope I cannot skate . Yes it is true I have no Co-ordination what so ever

Ass Monkey = just a damned good insult in my books kinda like wanker in a strange way

butt head = just a dick head basically

hoser = a complete loser ' used in a sentence like the following ' don't be such a hoser man'

deke out = from hockey terminology meaning just nipping out be back soon basically the jock hockey players started it and it has caught on

Think that hoser is one of my favorites good solid insult

There are so so many more that evade me right now if you think of any though let me know.

' deke out ' kinda sorta you know I will be back eventually !!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


Patience ...... What a stupid bloody word !!!
honestly there is logic behind what I say here so hear me out ok

When someone says to you ' Just be patient' and you are already in a inflamed state of mind what is the first thought that pops into your head ? My first thought ( and I am sure it is not just mine ) is : ' Just be patient ....I will just be patient you freak !!!! I have no desire to be bloody patient stop saying that to me !!!!!!!' Seriously it makes the situation worse.
Whether it is at work and you are trying to sort out a particularly pain in the ass problem or at home and trying to assemble Ikea book selfs patience does not ever work ! All you get as a out come of all this patience is a passive aggressive person on the brink of a complete melt down that will likely be directed at you.

I get this on a daily basises in my line of work. I have to deal with the Dutch every day. Let me tell you any pre conceived notions you may have had about them lotbeing eternally high peace lovin kicked back sort of people is completely and utterly wrong!! To get one thing actioned by these people does not take patience it involves threatening them with their lives and the lives of their families. It involves calling them every 5 minutes for 8 hours and after those 8 hors of having a phone glued to your ear you still have nothing. Patience does not exist in this world of work

Then there is patience in personal life . If a mother says to a daughter ' patience dear the right man will come along in his own time' come of it !!!! it does not work that way at all mothers !!! You should know this for gods sakes. I know that it does not exist. I am 27 and I will happily say that yes I would like the right one to finally show his damn face ask me to marry him and get it bloody over with Patience is not a virtue and most defiantly not one of my virtues.

When I drive I am impatient, when talk I am inpatient, when I queue up am damned impatient etc

So there is your warning all I have no patience I never desire to have this so called quality as I do not believe it to be one. I believe that it only hinders you in life turns you into a emotional mush ball and makes you have no balls. Life is about grabbing it being impatient and yep having balls to be impatient. Buck the trends people be what they out there consider abnormal .....BE IMPATIENT !!!!

Monday, February 06, 2006


God damn I need a drink !!!!
take that statment however you wish !!
drink....large big drink !!!!


You know being single is one of those funny things that some people react badly to and some thrive on. I think I am one of the ones that is in the middle of all that.

I like being single for the fact that you do lead your own life you do not have to worry about consequences and the effects of your decisions and behavior.

On the flip side being single has the ability to make you feel eternally lonely. Like you will never find that other person and no matter what you do to assist the process it never freakin works !!!

Last night I was watching this show called ' The real Sex and The City' Basically it is set in New York and it follows round a load of different women on the dating scene of New York. Now this show was either created to make women across the world feel like shit and useless or it was created for you to point and laugh at and say ' sad cow' at the same time!

Honestly these women on this show are the lowest of the low on the moral's playing field !! They boast about dating 6 men at once. They complain how they get confused by who they are meant to be going on a date with ( no wonder !!!) and to top it all off the feel horrible about the fact that they cannot find a meaningful relationship. COME ON !! You stupid American cows !! You cannot find a meaningful relationship because you are dating six guys at once, you are not satisfied with just one ( greedy or what ), you do not actually have any desire to settle down and you probably could not define let alone spell meaningful !!!
Seriously I went to bed last night muttering stupid bitches to myself ( the cat was a bit disturbed by this outburst)

I was looking at my sisters blog today and strangely enough she was talking about a similar subject. Basically rating which nationality would be best to date . I have to share with you her description of a British man priceless and pretty much bang on : British - more mamma's boys. Not as bad as the Italians, but at least the Italians know to take you out for a nice dinner on a date and don't count going Dutch at the pub as 'a good night out.' how bang on is that ?!?!?!?!? I was so so impressed with that. If you ant to see the rest have a look
Right random daily rant is now finished :)

Friday, February 03, 2006

Getting Older and Wiser

You know as time goes by you begin to realize that you have grown up. That you are no longer the precocious cjild, teenager or young adult you once were. You are a fully fledged adult. When you were that snot nosed attitude driven kid you used to think' never be like those adults !!! '

guess what .... Everyone becomes once of those adults. It is the law of nature and all things possible.

Today was having a conversation with Emma ( friend/workmate) and at the end of it decided I may very well be a 80 year old trapped in a 27 year olds body !!! We were talking about how now rather then go out on a Saturday night getting blind drunk and stumbling in at 3 ish in the morning we would love to get in a bath and soak the night away. I now realized I would much rather prefer going out on a Saturday afternoon getting merry in a beer garden and then going home 7 ish have a good meal and pass out, safe in the knowledge that I WILL NOT HAVE A HANGOVER!!

Please do not get me wrong I love a great night out but what I do not like anymore is every night out. It loses the novelty and the enjoyment. We also decided that this was something for some unknown reason we thought or at least speaked about as a bad thing ?! Then we thought its not !!! It is a natural progression of growing older and yes wiser.

I think of the practical things now whilst doing the illogical things I know how to do best!!!
Do I miss my precocious and attitude driven youth ???? Maybe just a tiny little bit. But I do love the fact that I can think about things in a well mannered process for example :

Get drunk in the afternoon make sure you are in bed by 7 though and drink water = no hangover!! No dehydration to the point of not actually being able to blink and generally feeling human

This to me is getting older and a little wiser

P.S before you ask no I do not have a drink problem !!!