Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Conversation I had With My Mother 5 Minutes Ago

So its like half 9 at night.
I am in bed getting ready to sleep ( I wake up at half 5 in the morning)
Mother is washing her face getting ready for bed.

And then this is the most entertainment I have had in a little while as follows:

Mum: LOU !!!
Me: Yes ???........
Mum: You know when they do those analysts on your face?
Me: Right ....
Mum: You know the ones to tell you what shape your face is ? MINES TRIANGULAR!!!

( I am rolling my eyes at this point next thing I know she is right in front of me. Grinning inanely with fingers shaping a triangle around her face )
Me: Right and ???
Me : ( laughing uncontrollably) You do know I am going to blog this don't you ?
Mum : OH FUCK !!!!

Always entertaining in this house !

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Want to Blow it up and Hang it Up

Possibly one of my favorite pictures of my not so little bro George ( in the green ). Joining him is Ricardo otherwise known as " Brown Boy" and on the other side Alan or known as " Dancer Boy'

These boys make me smile. Make me damn near wet myself with laughter. Make me cringe with there very boy like antics but most of all are great friends and of course a rockin little brother added in there as well !

Monday, March 19, 2007

Trying not to Panic ...Breathing ... In ...Out ...In...

Well I have been thrown in the deep end at work in a big way. My lovely boss lady is currently sunning herself in Mexico while I crap my pants in windy cold and snowy Edmonton.
I knew that this week was coming from the day I started a week ago but chose to ignore it as if it did not exist. Guess what? It exists everyone.
Its not that I do not know what I am doing. But more the fact that my safety net has vanished and I am currently free falling into the world of steel orders! Considering the fact that up until 4 weeks ago I thought there were 16 inches to the foot (yes I now know that this is not the case just in case you are worried and wondering) makes this task all the more daunting. I have to know about overall diameters, long seam lengths, eccentric and concentric cones, beveling details at what degree and much much more!!

Needless to say it is now a quarter past nine in the morning and I have already had 3 smokes since starting at 8! Not that the smoke knows how to work out how many pieces are needed for the current eccentric cone quote sitting in front of me. But it sure as hell makes me feel more human!

A update on life currently otherwise. I am well actually bloody good to be truthful. I received a credit card from my bank last week which made my day. The reason it made my day is because this means I am credit worthy over here, that my credit score is well above 500 which means I am not the devils spawn in the eyes of the credit people.

I received it Wednesday and I have only used it once, to be sure it works of course, for 2 vests from Old Navy (my fav store ever) and a new fancy dog collar for Penny.
So I have been behaving myself with it. I did not use it once over the weekend.

The new gym I am now a member of ROCKS!! It’s called the world health club and it has TELLYS! Wooo hooo! I just plug in my headphones on the cardio machines, change to what ever channel I want to watch and pound my ass away basically.

There is the usual crowd of no neck brigade’s old people and Twinkies. However this lot is at the extreme end. Firstly the no neck brigade is not limited to just grunting men but women to! I have never seen so many steroid loaded muscle bound women in my life. They do make me feel slightly inadequate. However at least I know that if I date a guy they will not be terrified I can snap then in half as easily as a damn straw. The men really grunt I mean loudly grunt sort of reminds me of rutting dear.
The old people are really old and all look like they are about to drop dead on the treadmill. And the Twinkies (girls fully loaded in Lycra and makeup) are the extreme end of make up and Lycra. Seriously I thought one of them was about to burst out of her excessively tight lycra top as her fake tits were at least a G if not bigger, I could not stop staring at her.

I am pages away from finishing the latest Jilly Cooper book. Yes I know it is trash yes I know it is smut but damn I love her. I have read every single one of her books and can safely say I have never ever been bored. So I am slightly sad that I am almost finished it. I wish Mrs. Cooper would write smaller books so it did not take her like 4 years to write just one book!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Introducing Hamish: The worlds Most Clueless Dog Ever

Everyone this is Hamish

As I had written previously I had been Dog sitting Hamish for 4 days. These I can safely say were the longest most sureal 5 days of my life. I will now give you a blow by blow of my long days with Hamish.

For your own information Hamish is a Gordon Setter. He is not very old I think he is like 3 or 4 years old. I also believe his Mummy and Daddy paid big bucks for this pure bred mutt.

Day 1 and 2:

I was lucky as these were not full days with him. They were week days so I only saw him in the morning and the afternoon. I did however have to take him for his morning walk. There is no escaping this walk as he is clearly a very routine orientated dog. Seriously I would not even have my feet on the floor before he was spinning in endless circles, the spinning by the way is never ending. Even funnier is when he stops spinning he looks drunk and kind of staggers about for a few minutes due to the fact that the room is likely spinning and he has probably scrambled the one brain cell he does own.

The walks were well ...death defying! It was ice everywhere. This is not helpful when you are hanging onto to a leash at which the other end is a MASSIVE dog pulling with all his might. The second walk was worse when at half 6 in the morning ( still dark might I add) he spotted a white rabbit hoping along minding his own business. This rabbit must have come across Hamish before because I have never seen a rabbit haul ass quite like that one did. Nor had Hamish. As I watched my life flash before my eyes he took off be in tow. It was like a bad cartoon dog running me sliding behind him! Dog is a fool !

Now for the nights. Lori did warn me he likes to sleep on the bed even though he has his own doggy bed. I said oh thats fine does not really bother me to much. She then said ' he likes to cuddle' I thought this was wierd and just brushed it aside. BIG MISTAKE. This dog got up on the bed, threw one meat clever leg over me, propped his head up on my side , he drools by the way, and proceeded to snore for the rest of the night. No matter how much I kicked him yelled at him and squirmed he did not budge. The dog likes to cuddle.

DAY 3.

Day 3 was a Saturday. This meant a full day of Hamish. This was a day I was dreading with every fiber in my body. Firstly we went for a really long walk. My theory was this: walk that bastard to within a inch of his life and then he will sleep all day. It was so warm out so that made it better it also meant that the majority of sidewalks were clear of snow and ice. 45 minutes into the walk with one very numb and dead arm he managed to find the one bit of ice in the area and pull me to the ground. As I bumped along the rough pavement I thought' Just let go of the leash, and tell Lori and Murray that someone stole the dog' The only thing that stopped Hamish from continuing to run was the dead weight on the end of the leash.

We made it home, me muttering him looking like a stuffed animal with roll-about goggle eyes in his skull. I fed him ( he only eats his food if grated cheese is sprinkled lightly on top) thinking walking then food he would pass such luck.

I took a look at the damage he had caused me from my fall. Few scrapes and brusies. So I thought right they have the most lovely bathroom I am going to have a hot bath. So I got everything ready. But some lovely lavender bath bubbles in got my towels ready blah blah blah. I went down stairs to get my book. As I was down there I thought ' where is the dog? why is he not drooling behin me?' Ran all the way up the stairs into the bathroom to find.... Hamish in my bath covered in bubbles barking at the reflections in the mirror I was in shock!

See Hamish has a thing with anything shiny or reflective. He goes mental, he barks forever, his whole body quivers and he foams at the mouth.

So the bath was a no go. I had had enough he was going outside in the back yard and staying there. After about a half hour and none stop barking I felt bad and thought I should bring him in. There was a small problem in this though. Everytime I opened the back door the sunlight caught the window hence causing a big long shiny reflection to move across the deck...Hamish lost it ! It took me 3 HOURS ! yes 3 hours to get him in the house. In the end I had to chase him around the yard and the only reason I caught him is because he decided to take a leak. So in a distracted moment I snatched him in mid flow !

DAY 4 - The last full Day

After another bear hugging night and being covered in drool I decided to take Hamish in the c.a.r , see you have to spell out the word because he loses all control at the mention of word , he loves the car. We were going to visit mum in the country.

I got the funniest looks, so many double takes and sheer belly laughs from passing motorists, and here is the reason why: I drive a gold , not big and certianly not big enough for a Gordon setter. He insisted on sitting up front on the passenger seat. His ass was actually sitting on the seat his front legs standing where himans would put there legs. What made the picture was the way he rested his massive head on the dash fast asleep blowing drool all over my window ( it took me 2 hours to clean Greta on Friday because of this)

There are so so many more things to tell you but have to stop now. But I am sure you get the picture that this dog is like no other dog out there.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Story So Far .....

Right so I am super busy ( still alive I promise you that Suburban Mum promise you )

So far in the last week:
Learning endlessly at new job
Driving a total of 100 km a day round trip
Signed up to new gym ( love it many posts to come of my fellow gym members such as the no neck brigade)
and the worst .....
have been dog sitting ( thank christ i am done) the stupidest dog in the world !! He goes by the name of Hamish. He is a Gordon Setter and god missed him when doling out the essentials like a brain. Prepare yourselves for the most pant wettinly funny entry of my 4 days with Hamish

So I promise you all a very good stint of posts by Saturday morning. These will include various pictures and endlessly ' Louisa funny' stories
Hang in there don't leave me just yet I promise you the good stuff is to come
Love me
Louisa x