Sunday, March 11, 2007

Introducing Hamish: The worlds Most Clueless Dog Ever

Everyone this is Hamish

As I had written previously I had been Dog sitting Hamish for 4 days. These I can safely say were the longest most sureal 5 days of my life. I will now give you a blow by blow of my long days with Hamish.

For your own information Hamish is a Gordon Setter. He is not very old I think he is like 3 or 4 years old. I also believe his Mummy and Daddy paid big bucks for this pure bred mutt.

Day 1 and 2:

I was lucky as these were not full days with him. They were week days so I only saw him in the morning and the afternoon. I did however have to take him for his morning walk. There is no escaping this walk as he is clearly a very routine orientated dog. Seriously I would not even have my feet on the floor before he was spinning in endless circles, the spinning by the way is never ending. Even funnier is when he stops spinning he looks drunk and kind of staggers about for a few minutes due to the fact that the room is likely spinning and he has probably scrambled the one brain cell he does own.

The walks were well ...death defying! It was ice everywhere. This is not helpful when you are hanging onto to a leash at which the other end is a MASSIVE dog pulling with all his might. The second walk was worse when at half 6 in the morning ( still dark might I add) he spotted a white rabbit hoping along minding his own business. This rabbit must have come across Hamish before because I have never seen a rabbit haul ass quite like that one did. Nor had Hamish. As I watched my life flash before my eyes he took off be in tow. It was like a bad cartoon dog running me sliding behind him! Dog is a fool !

Now for the nights. Lori did warn me he likes to sleep on the bed even though he has his own doggy bed. I said oh thats fine does not really bother me to much. She then said ' he likes to cuddle' I thought this was wierd and just brushed it aside. BIG MISTAKE. This dog got up on the bed, threw one meat clever leg over me, propped his head up on my side , he drools by the way, and proceeded to snore for the rest of the night. No matter how much I kicked him yelled at him and squirmed he did not budge. The dog likes to cuddle.

DAY 3.

Day 3 was a Saturday. This meant a full day of Hamish. This was a day I was dreading with every fiber in my body. Firstly we went for a really long walk. My theory was this: walk that bastard to within a inch of his life and then he will sleep all day. It was so warm out so that made it better it also meant that the majority of sidewalks were clear of snow and ice. 45 minutes into the walk with one very numb and dead arm he managed to find the one bit of ice in the area and pull me to the ground. As I bumped along the rough pavement I thought' Just let go of the leash, and tell Lori and Murray that someone stole the dog' The only thing that stopped Hamish from continuing to run was the dead weight on the end of the leash.

We made it home, me muttering him looking like a stuffed animal with roll-about goggle eyes in his skull. I fed him ( he only eats his food if grated cheese is sprinkled lightly on top) thinking walking then food he would pass such luck.

I took a look at the damage he had caused me from my fall. Few scrapes and brusies. So I thought right they have the most lovely bathroom I am going to have a hot bath. So I got everything ready. But some lovely lavender bath bubbles in got my towels ready blah blah blah. I went down stairs to get my book. As I was down there I thought ' where is the dog? why is he not drooling behin me?' Ran all the way up the stairs into the bathroom to find.... Hamish in my bath covered in bubbles barking at the reflections in the mirror I was in shock!

See Hamish has a thing with anything shiny or reflective. He goes mental, he barks forever, his whole body quivers and he foams at the mouth.

So the bath was a no go. I had had enough he was going outside in the back yard and staying there. After about a half hour and none stop barking I felt bad and thought I should bring him in. There was a small problem in this though. Everytime I opened the back door the sunlight caught the window hence causing a big long shiny reflection to move across the deck...Hamish lost it ! It took me 3 HOURS ! yes 3 hours to get him in the house. In the end I had to chase him around the yard and the only reason I caught him is because he decided to take a leak. So in a distracted moment I snatched him in mid flow !

DAY 4 - The last full Day

After another bear hugging night and being covered in drool I decided to take Hamish in the c.a.r , see you have to spell out the word because he loses all control at the mention of word , he loves the car. We were going to visit mum in the country.

I got the funniest looks, so many double takes and sheer belly laughs from passing motorists, and here is the reason why: I drive a gold , not big and certianly not big enough for a Gordon setter. He insisted on sitting up front on the passenger seat. His ass was actually sitting on the seat his front legs standing where himans would put there legs. What made the picture was the way he rested his massive head on the dash fast asleep blowing drool all over my window ( it took me 2 hours to clean Greta on Friday because of this)

There are so so many more things to tell you but have to stop now. But I am sure you get the picture that this dog is like no other dog out there.


Suburban Mum said...

I'm guessing you won't be volunteering to do that again!! I love the fact that he has grated cheese on his food!!

louisa said...

Thats the problem suburban mum. They are going on a cruise in the fall and geuss what muggins here gets to likey do .... yep suffer through it all again
And this time it is not even for like 4 days we are talking like a 2 week stint of Hamish hell.
Hey not just any grated cheese either, tex mex cheese a fine blend of swiss, chedder, mozerela and monteray jack !
amazing really isn't it !

Suburban Mum said...

Mmm... tex mex cheese. A dog after my own heart. (and no, that wasn't me volunteering).