Tuesday, August 08, 2006

What I get From Them

Over the weekend I was thinking about my family a fair amount. This does not happen as often as you may think. Because I am over here and the vast majority are over in Canada ( minus Alex who is in Brussels, which is close enough in both our minds thank you very much !) I tend to forget about them. That sounds awful but it is not meant in a mean way. Just means I am not around them so I tend to forget them ( Ok stopping that train of thought now as it sounds pretty damn bad ! But it is not meant badly ! )

Anyway back to a better train of thought or less awful. I was thinking about the various things I get from them. By that I mean how they effect my life in a positive and influential way. Each of them seem to have molded me into the person I am today.

My brother George has a strange effect on me. He makes me more lighthearted and fun loving. When I am with him I am in my late teens early 20's again. I do think of this as a good thing I seem to be able to let go and release any issues when I muck about with George. But also at the same time he reminds me that I am a adult and I am his big sister. The most important thing I get from George is this: He reminds me of my Dad. George is so similar to Dad in so many ways sometimes it is like he is in the room with us. He has that same gruffness Dad had, he has that same attitude of ' I am always right and you will not bend me !' It is kinda freaky when you see George on the tractor back home because it is like being sucked into a time warp, thrown iback to the age of 10 and seeing Dad on his big orange tractor.
I was always worried when Dad died that I would forget. Forget what he was like what he did, his smile and his mannerisms. But I have not because George has those things and I get them all from him which means I effectively will never forget.

Alex has a completely strange and personality altering effect on me. Alex gives me itelligence. By that I mean when I speak to Alex I seem to engage my brain more then usual. See she was the smart one out of the three of us. There is no bitterness about this as it would be hard to imagine Alex as stupid or a bubblehead in fact impossible. I think more then anything there was a slight amount of envy but also pride. So Alex basically makes me feel smarter. I have no choice but to think more deeply then I would normally with anyone else when I talk to her. So effectively I have gained intelligence from her which is pretty damn cool ( of course this will all go to her giant world dominating ego but that's Alex and you just have to accept she has that massive ego it is part of her charm .... If you call it that :-)

Mum .....hmmm this one is a interesting one and it took me a while to think about it and then it came to me. Mum gives me beauty. My mum is stunning and although I think I look more like my Dad, everyone who sees pics of Mum and me think I am the spit of her. Mum is the main reason why I went on my life altering health kick weight loss campaign. See Mum did it herself a good few years back just before dad died so were talking 8 years or so. It was the best thing she ever did. Once mum got down to a great size she seemed to change ina good way, its hard to put your finger on how though. So basically it was a inspiration to do the same the thought was if Mum can do it in her 50's then it was damn sure I could do it in my 20's. Mum though has the ability no matter what to make me feel good about myself. To make me feel as though I have achieved so many things in my life. She has the ability to thunp my ass back down to earth when I am in a flap or gettinga little to big for my boots. No matter how much kids moan about how their parents bring them back down to reality or how they tell them they have cocked up we know it is a good thing we know it is meant with love and that is what is like with Mum. She has basically taught me I am worth something and that no matter what others see in me physcially or mentally it is my families opinion that matters most. That if someone does not like me for me does not like the way I look or behave then it is their loss. That those are shallow people and not worth my time and effort. That is what Mum has given me, beauty.

And finally Dad. Dad has been dead for 8 years ( I think always get that wrong!) but everyday he has been gone seems like only yesterday not 8 years. Even though he is not here I get one thing from my Dad and that is self worth. My Dad taught me that no one has more self worth for themselves then themselves. He taught me that the only person I had to let down was my self so basically always make sure you do not let yourself down. He gave me the feeling that I only had to prove things to myself and no one else. I would like to think he would be quite proud in the way I have turned out. Before he died it is likely that my self esteem and the way I looked at myself was pretty shit. But that's not the case now and I think he would be pretty cuffed at the thought that his oldest girl has grown into a fairly independent person someone who speaks her mind and takes shit from no one.
He was a funny man my Dad. Gave some strange advice to. The one that sticks in the mind most was 'never throw up in a sink it never ends well' also ' never throw up out a window in case there is a screen there, just means you will have to clean it up!' pretty sound advice if you askme. See he gave practial advice and was a down to earth guy. Although he had some crazy money making ideas that probably drove mum to distraction. But that practicality and pipe dream aspect of Dad has rubbed off on me. Even though he is dead I do think I am still getting things from him all the time.

(* I know my spelling is crap !!! just leave it I did spell check and it never gets it right !! *)


Anonymous said...

Hey Lou,

Cheer up kiddo, your family misses you too and you can come home anytime (as long as you've showered, hahaha kidding). How did your date go? I thought I'd write to you on your blog so that at least you would have some comments on your site, it gives the appearance that people read your site (hahahaha). Anyways Chelsea is gonna kick ass this coming season, wow, Liverpool is in for a good match. Alright babe check you later you absolutely stunning fit bird you.


louisa said...

hey you always manage to put a smile on my face even when you throw in the odd barbed comment !!! ha ha
Chelsea is crap !!! and yeah liverpool match should be a good one although they are saying there is going to be trouble with protestors at the match
( and yeah I know I am a fit stunning bird but keep up those comments !!!)
will send you a email in a bit kid

Anonymous said...

mesothelioma settlement