Monday, August 21, 2006

Decision Made

Well I have made some major and life changing decisions this week. I am moving all plans to return to Canada ahead, by a whole lot! I have decided to return before the end of this year, currently it will be most likely the beginning of December. I had to dig deep both emotionally and mentally to make this final and major decision.

I would like to think I have made the right one and that this is the point in my life that I need to do this. I know that I am at times what you would call a ‘ bubblehead’ so decision making is horrible at the best of times for me. For god sakes trying to decide what to have for lunch is a life altering thing for me!! I am indecisive as they come. I have no idea why but have to say that over the years it has gotten worse and worse!! So I think I actually shocked myself when I made it. I kind of walked around in a daze for a few hours (the type of daze was only mildly different then my normal airhead daily daze I walk around in)

I think that the main and most likely only thing that was holding me here in the UK was all the friends I have made over the last few years. Each of them has qualities that enrich my life every time I am with them. Mason (painter friend) makes me remember who I am and that I am worth something. He is the one male friend I can spend hours with talk about extreme girly things and walk away feeling the world has righted itself for the day.
Amanda my lovely lovely brummie girl is one of the few people who can knock my ass straight back on the ground when I get far too cocky for my own good. She brings back reality when my heads go way too far into the clouds. Emma oh god can she make fun of me. Think she has taught me most how to not take everything to heart how to take the piss out of myself. When I first met her she scared me really did but then figured out she is actually a giant ass marshmallow and there is nothing remotely terrifying about her. Angeline my little French fire rocket. This girl has taught me one thing: who gives a shit. She is the only person I know who is more in their own world then me. She does not care what others think she just gets on with it. It is a quality I envy in her and got her through life so far to where she is. That and I will miss her daily attempts at English phrases (seriously everyone it is one of the funniest things you have ever heard. She picks a favourite in her mind and ends ever sentence with it. The best was ‘bobs your uncle’ she has no idea what it means and just says it so funny)

There are so many others I have to mention and tell you about and will in coming entries. They have to be mentioned as they are the people that have helped shape me to the person I am today.

When I left Canada to be frank I did not know myself. I did not know who I was or what my make up was. When I left I had little confidence in myself or belief in the things I could possibly achieve. I suppose in a way it was like running away but on a much grander scale.
5 years later and I know who I am. I am a strong and intelligent young lady. I have the ability to make what I think are right and good decisions that are good for me and only me. I have a self confidence I never knew existed within me. Who knew that I would be the person I am today the person that is returning home with a sense of direction, a sense of belief and most importantly a sense of who I am. I know myself now like I never did before.
So thank you England, thank you for making me see who I am and what it is exactly I have and will achieve in the future. Thank you for making me not scared to be me.

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