Monday, September 26, 2005

Part 1 . My Mother and her Chainsaw .... Part 2 The World of Dating

Morning, Afternoon and Good evening all :)
well I had a interesting weekend it has to be said!! Will Go with part 1 first

My Mother and her Chainsaw

I called my sister yesterday to say hi and catch up. She is fine by the way still world dominating !! Anyway she said mum called her well that irritated me cause mum had not called me !?!?! Why ! grrr So I thought best give her a quick call see if she is still alive and all is well. After multiple attempts and no answer to which I kept thinking for fuck sakes it is a Sunday it is the afternoon over there what could she possibly be doing ?!?! I got my answer ! And here is the following conversation we had:

Mum: Hello ( very very out of breath )
Me: Hi Mum its Louisa

she calls me back at this point to save my mobile bill ( my mummy is lovely !! )

Me: hi mum how are you ??
Mum: ( out of breath still ?!?! ) good dear how are you everything ok ??
Me: yep all is fine and dandy mum life ticking along blah blah . ummm mum why are you out of breath what are you doing ??
Mum: OHHHH !!! I got a new toy !!!

At this point I am worried and wondering if the conversation is safe to continue ???
Me: Right ok ( confused in fact at a loss )
Mum: Do you want to hear it ????? ( she of courses sounds like a over excited kid at Christmas )

Terrified now !
Me: hmmm ok ??? What is it exactly mum ??

wait for it everyone ...........................................

Mum: A CHAINSAW !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a chain saw here listen

she proceeded to put the phone down and rev up her brand new chainsaw !! All I could hear was that terrifying sound of wirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I had visions of my mum in some Jason mask laughing maniacally !
needless to say I never thought 4 years after I moved over to the UK the day would come when my mother would have me listen to her new toy, a chainsaw, over the phone.
It was sureal everyone truly madly off and so my mother loved it. Seriously been giggling about it since not stopped !

The world of Dating

This weekend went and saw the 40 year old virgin with Matt and loved it seriously wicked film!! Brilliantly made laugh a minute and freakishly realistic in some ways in regards to how men think.
Anyway went out with some of my girlfriends on Sunday foir a drink and we came up with some great amazing rules for men or at least common sense things after talking bout this movie as follows:
1. As much as we say we like new age sensitive men we do not like them so sensitive we are scared of making them bloody cry. We like them to have a back bone to be assertive always
2. We like men who act their age. Oh my sweet lord why do grown men revert to 14 year old boys when around any sort of women they like possibly like or well lets face it has a pair of tits ( boys do not call them boobies !!! We call them tits so should you for gods sakes !! )
3. Men who pay always go up in out our estimations !! We actually argued over this one at first as we do believe in equality and all that but for the first while of dating we were all in agreement. We do not like being expected to Dutch everything.
4. Sex. We do not care if you are a sex god or a never had type of guy what we do care about is that fact that again you do not act like a snotty nosed 14 year old about to get layed for the first time guys !!! Come one !! We do not like it when you do everything at warp speed this includes kissing and moving your tongue around like the damned thing is on fire !! If you need help in this department ask a mate there are also books out there read up please !!!
5. But most of all the over all opinion was that we like a guy to be confident please!! Even if you are not confident pretend begging you all to pretend. It is off putting if you are a wimp

there were more rules which in the future with the permission of the other girls will be mentioned on here but they were more serious ones!!! ha ha
right bye for now ! Comment if you like !


heather said...

your mother is one of my favourite people on the planet. seriously.

louisa said...

she is also seriously going round the bend ! who calls their new chainsaw a ' toy' and then makes her daughter listen to it half way across the world ??? honestly not right !

Alicia Bennett said...

Greetings, I was reading some blogs and happened on your blog. I'm quite impressed , with how it has a good feel.

Look forward to reading more.

B.S. in Electrical Engineering LPN Online Degree