Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Sick and left to Analyze my Own Thoughts ...Very Dangerous lol

I am home sick today from work. I ended up getting a evil cold and even though i completely believe I would have been able to work my way through this as it is just a cold my boss demanded i take a day off.....who am I to argue ???

I am never very good at being off work to be truthful. I get a number of feelings going on. Firstly it is guilt for not being at work ( trust me when I say that the place is NOT going to fall apart without me lol )
I feel useless as well. I mean seriously there is only so much daytime telly a girl can watch before going insane.

But my worst day off work offence is over thinking and over analyzing things in my life and surroundings. It gets so bad when I am on my own and left to my own devices you know.

Today it has been the analyzng of the following: Do you ever feel as though you are the only one who makes the effort? I do or at least I am convincing myself that I do. It is likely I am not the only one making the effort however due to being left for a day without my normal distractions of work, customers, driving etc I am thinking and believing I am.
I for once in my life like to be the one not always making the fucking effort!!!! I would love to be the one where people make the effort for rather then me having to do all the fucking hard work all the time!!
I keep picking people in my life that do not seem to want to make the effort. Do I excude a big neon sign blinking " DO NOT BOTHER MAKING EFFORT SHE SERIOUSLY DOES NOT MIND PEOPLE" ???? I must do you know because it keeps happening to me lol lol. Is it to much to ask for someone to call yourather then you calling them or for someone to ask how you are before you do ? NO!

I would like to think I am not a needy person and I do honestly believe I am not. What I have always been in my life though is the person that looks after others whether it be friends or boyfriends. I have always been the one that feels the need to make sure everyone else is ok everyone is healthy or happy. But you know what I would like for once to be on the recieving end of that. It rarely happens. I would like someone to show concern for me and my well being. I would like someone to look after me when I am sick or to just be there as a distraction. I am thinking that is not to much to ask?


Anonymous said...

Feel better soon!

And you clearly don't have anything as wonderful as The Jeremy Kyle Show and This Morning to watch. They're the whole reason I work from home.


Anonymous said...

Where's my picture gone?


louisa said...

lol lol no idea where pic went lol
i am feeling better slowly!!

i just watched oprah and doctoer phil now im watching the tyra banks show....god i mis jermey kyle !!! lol lol saying that jerry springer is on in a hour lol