You Know Secretly.....

You know secretly I want kids.

I have always professed the biggest dislike of children however secretly I think I do eventually want them you know.

I do not know why this is but I do know part of the reason why I always said I never want them. I have this great fear of having kids with completely the wrong person. I want my potential children to have the coolest dad in the world. But a dad who is a dad not a friend. I want my potential kids to have a dad who they can turn to and a dad they can giggle with as small toddlers, cry with as adolsecents and have proper adult belly laughters with when they are adults.
I do think this is hard to find in most men. You know all the men I dated I could never see them as fathers. It was impossible to see it. Maybe that is art of the reason I have always been so negative about it. Maybe it is because I had the most amazing father who was a FATHER ! He knew what he was doing you know.
I also think that part of the reason I never wanted them is I was scared of losing the independence I have in my life ( note: the independence is slowly turning into wandering loner who will never settle down..not such a good thing) But I do love my independence and the thought of having to give that up for a small person is slightly not cool.

Saying all that the ore I think about it the more I know eventually I do want them. I have very close guy friends that I would love to see as fathers ( I am so not saying father of mine however if in 10 years nothing is going on then their services may be needed ha !! ) they would make the most amazingly cool dads but see they have to find the right mothers.

So yes secretly I want kids. I have no idea when and lets face it I am destined to be single forever at this rate as no one seems all that interested in the goods. But yes secretly I want the life sucking little midgets ...opps that was my inside voice escaping there .....