Sunday, August 19, 2007

That Lost Feeling

So now for the downer post.

This holiday has awakened something in me that I had forgotten about anf forgot I possessed. I need someone in my life. I will willingly admit that I was so wrong when I said that I like being single....I do not like that feeling.

I potentially fell for my best friend...HARD ! But you know what its a good thing as it did me good. All we did has in no way destroyed or changed our friendship I am thinking it actually made it that much stronger.

But now that my house is empty without the sarcastic and witty snips coming out of his mouth I feel so lost. It was never in the 6 years of knowing him my intent for this to happen and evenwhen it began I was very very resitent thinking it would only end in tears. In a way it did but not bad tears all good ones.
I am not so niave to believe that it would go anywhere. Firstly there is a entire ocean between us and secondly we are at completely different places in our lives. But he knows I am sure that I love him more then he can imagine and I would never stop and thats more then enough for me.

Leaving the airport gate yesterday was likely one of the hardest most heart wrenching things i had to do but you know what the key words are that I had to do it. I was ot a bubbling girl wailing. I had one break of very small tears pulled myself together and drove home. I drove home knowing I can be wanted and loved. I drove home knowing I had to change things in my life. I have to stop closing myself off to all possiblities.
So thank you Mase for teaching me that and so much more
Luv ya !


Anonymous said...

Well I am reading but more or less lurking, you do but yet you don't know me. So there is more than just two reading.

louisa said...

hmm interesting lurker..." do but yet ou don't know me " very curious!! thank you for lurking and reading though its nice to know there is someone spending the time on my little blog lol

Anonymous said...

I read, you know I do! I just haven't had a chance to comment lately. Anyway. It works both ways ;) Hope you're feeling more perky now.

louisa said...

your blog has disapeared hun !!!! I have no blog for you AND you have vanished off crackbook to ........ i am a bit better cheers sweetie !

Anonymous said...

knowing of but not knowing is sometimes a good thing, it is like turning a blind eye to something you can not even see

Anonymous said...

I've moved it... I sent you the link!