So you are asking why would there be one day every week which is filled with Anxiety?? Trust me in my working week there is.
It is not for reasons you may think like payroll or end of month or even complaints days. It is for the following reason.
Thursday is Check Pool Day. You are no likely asking what is this check pool day thing?? I will explain it for you all. Basically everyone puts in 5.00 dollars every Thursday to the pool. In a bag there are little metal discs with numbers. You have an pre arranged number for your disc (mine is 259). At the 2:30 tea break the draw is made. First place gets all the money second place gets a free in to the following weeks draw. The booty generally averages around about 350 bucks so it’s not bad really for free money. At Christmas everyone puts in 20 dollars and that one averages at 2000.00 bucks!!
So every Thursday I am nervously waiting to see if I have won. I sit at my desk and wait to hear the giant air horn sound off indicating that the break is over which means the winner is about to get his or her money. It is a fraught and nerve racking time I tell you!
See there is another issue. Along with being nervous about winning I am also a “marked” woman. I actually won the check pool the very first time I went into it. This was my first week of work. I then won again 3 weeks later AND again 1 and half months later. So far I have made just under 1000.00 dollars on the check pool. You are now wondering why I am a marked women right? Well there are guys who have worked here for over 30 years. The average working time at this company is about 20 years….people do not leave….ever. These guys have NEVER won the check pool. Yet here I come the new young estimator office girl and just start winning!! When I walk across the main welding shop floor to get to the main front offices I swear I can feel holes being burnt into my back by the disgruntled losing welders or if it’s not from their eyes it could be their welding torches! I keep my head down and truck on through the shop floor for fear of death by welding torch or grinding machine.
So yes Thursday’s at 2:40 pm are the most anxiety filled time of the week for me….
* Note: I did not win this week …oh well
Friday, October 26, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The Toll of Humans and Animals in California Fires
I have been following the fires in California closely over the last few weeks. I do not believe that any television pictures or newspaper articles can do justice to the immense scale of this fire.
In my mind it does not matter whether a house is 1 million dollars or 100,000 dollars or who the owners are. What matters is the fact that these people are having their entire lives absolutely and utterly devastated right now and it is virtually out of their control and hands.
What I was however happy to see is the organization of the entire operation of evacuation. Clearly lessons have been learned from New Orleans. Although the 2 disasters are like comparing apples and oranges the basic principles of rescue and survival are identical. I read an article on ABC news regarding the NFL stadium where the vast majority of people seem to be going to. It was both heartbreaking and touching at the same time. Hotels are putting big buffets on for the people. There are massages for free. It’s organized and most importantly CIVILIZED! These things are not paid for by the government. The hotels donated the food and the massages are being offered by a women also displaced by these fires. What I found disheartening from the article were the comments from their fellow Americans complaining that this never happened in New Orleans, they pulled the rich card, the race card and the “its California card” Guess what …they are humans ! They learnt from previous mistakes and found a better way to deal with a tragic situation.
But one of the things that I have followed even more closely is the animals, pets, equines and zoos. I am an animal lover. I believe as much as we need to help ourselves we need to rescue and help them as well as they cannot rescue themselves.
The SHEER scale of the horse rescues actually brought a tear to my eye. Fellow horse people like myself will know you would lay your life down for your horse friend and that what is happening. A rescue center has been set up in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Hundreds upon thousands of horses, cows, pigs, dogs and cats are being brought in by owners SPCA and random citizens with amazing hearts. The horses have their owner’s phone numbers and where they can be found shaved straight into their coats.
If I had the money the means the time I would actually go and help in all honesty. But reading what efforts have already been made has eased my mind. There are stories of families not in direct danger taking as many animals as possible into their homes and onto their land.
All this has given me a slightly altered perspective on the American people. I will not be the harsh critic I usually am in regards to them on this disaster. They are doing the most admiral job possible. Between the fire services, rescue services, SPCA, Animal cruelty units, Police and most importantly the public and residents they are making the best of a bad situation and handling it in a way that is beyond words to describe.
In my mind it does not matter whether a house is 1 million dollars or 100,000 dollars or who the owners are. What matters is the fact that these people are having their entire lives absolutely and utterly devastated right now and it is virtually out of their control and hands.
What I was however happy to see is the organization of the entire operation of evacuation. Clearly lessons have been learned from New Orleans. Although the 2 disasters are like comparing apples and oranges the basic principles of rescue and survival are identical. I read an article on ABC news regarding the NFL stadium where the vast majority of people seem to be going to. It was both heartbreaking and touching at the same time. Hotels are putting big buffets on for the people. There are massages for free. It’s organized and most importantly CIVILIZED! These things are not paid for by the government. The hotels donated the food and the massages are being offered by a women also displaced by these fires. What I found disheartening from the article were the comments from their fellow Americans complaining that this never happened in New Orleans, they pulled the rich card, the race card and the “its California card” Guess what …they are humans ! They learnt from previous mistakes and found a better way to deal with a tragic situation.
But one of the things that I have followed even more closely is the animals, pets, equines and zoos. I am an animal lover. I believe as much as we need to help ourselves we need to rescue and help them as well as they cannot rescue themselves.
The SHEER scale of the horse rescues actually brought a tear to my eye. Fellow horse people like myself will know you would lay your life down for your horse friend and that what is happening. A rescue center has been set up in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Hundreds upon thousands of horses, cows, pigs, dogs and cats are being brought in by owners SPCA and random citizens with amazing hearts. The horses have their owner’s phone numbers and where they can be found shaved straight into their coats.
If I had the money the means the time I would actually go and help in all honesty. But reading what efforts have already been made has eased my mind. There are stories of families not in direct danger taking as many animals as possible into their homes and onto their land.
All this has given me a slightly altered perspective on the American people. I will not be the harsh critic I usually am in regards to them on this disaster. They are doing the most admiral job possible. Between the fire services, rescue services, SPCA, Animal cruelty units, Police and most importantly the public and residents they are making the best of a bad situation and handling it in a way that is beyond words to describe.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Do You Ever Feel Unsure of Yourself or Your Self Worth
I do. I always feel unsure of myself. I am not sure why that is but it is the case with me 100%. I am a very outgoing and straight forward person and tend to try and not let myself get beatr down as I find it generally a waste of time.
However outward apperances are never whats going on inside any person. I have never met a person who matches their inside apperance identically to their outside apperances. I applaud anyone out there who can truthfully and whole heartedly say that this is the case for them!
Inside I do consistently second geuss myself. I have no clue why I do this but I do it. I do it in social situations, I do it in dating situations ( hence the likeliness singledom I seem doomed to aimlessly wander through FOREVER lol) I do it in family situations. I along with my sister and brother were raised to be confident and strong indiviuals. It seemed to have worked with the other 2 but for unexplainable reasons I missed that boat. As I said I may come across as this extremely confident and together girl but inside I am like a a typoon of doubt. When in social situations while speaking outloud it is highly likely inside I am say " OH MY GOD! Shut up Louisa you are making no sense people will laugh at you not with you soon" or " you are not even remotely cool right now, these people could wipe the floor with you in the coolnehess stakes Lou"
When I date or start dating or have been with someone for a while I still get that feeling of dread and fear. The feeling of " you are just a stop gap for this person" or " really they just feel sorry for you hence they date you, like their good deed for the year" You know what that is not the case and I realise that however I cannot seem to stop the freight train which is my thought pattern sometimes! lol It just keeps chugging along irelevent of how good or bad things may be!
I would love the doubt of myself to vanish ...like now!! I will admit that lately it has in social situations. I have learnt to take the attitude of "fuck it, not my problem its their problem" but on occasion it still pops up like a angry wasp. Dating is a whole different kettle of fish though. In the past and recently I have managed to convince myself that the other person is not remotely interested and he is just humoring me. I have been wrong almost 99% of the time!! And yet I still do not learn from the previous hard lesson to stop the doubting lol lol
I do know this as a fact of life and gospel for myself and my life. I know who my friends are. I know that if they heard the little voice in the back of my mind out loud they would slap me silly and knock the voice out. I know that whom ever I date that instinct will kick in as it has in the past and it will crush that self doubt. I know that my friends value my friendship. I know that I actually have a massive earthly amount of self worth and so far that knowledge of myself has won over the doubting thomas in my sub concious. I know that one day I will be one of those sickingly happily married and lovely people out there. I know that when that happens and when I realise the judgement of others has no baring on my life those doubting voices will vanish completely. And for now I will just have to wage a battle to keep the at bay until I know myself fully for myself .......
However outward apperances are never whats going on inside any person. I have never met a person who matches their inside apperance identically to their outside apperances. I applaud anyone out there who can truthfully and whole heartedly say that this is the case for them!
Inside I do consistently second geuss myself. I have no clue why I do this but I do it. I do it in social situations, I do it in dating situations ( hence the likeliness singledom I seem doomed to aimlessly wander through FOREVER lol) I do it in family situations. I along with my sister and brother were raised to be confident and strong indiviuals. It seemed to have worked with the other 2 but for unexplainable reasons I missed that boat. As I said I may come across as this extremely confident and together girl but inside I am like a a typoon of doubt. When in social situations while speaking outloud it is highly likely inside I am say " OH MY GOD! Shut up Louisa you are making no sense people will laugh at you not with you soon" or " you are not even remotely cool right now, these people could wipe the floor with you in the coolnehess stakes Lou"
When I date or start dating or have been with someone for a while I still get that feeling of dread and fear. The feeling of " you are just a stop gap for this person" or " really they just feel sorry for you hence they date you, like their good deed for the year" You know what that is not the case and I realise that however I cannot seem to stop the freight train which is my thought pattern sometimes! lol It just keeps chugging along irelevent of how good or bad things may be!
I would love the doubt of myself to vanish ...like now!! I will admit that lately it has in social situations. I have learnt to take the attitude of "fuck it, not my problem its their problem" but on occasion it still pops up like a angry wasp. Dating is a whole different kettle of fish though. In the past and recently I have managed to convince myself that the other person is not remotely interested and he is just humoring me. I have been wrong almost 99% of the time!! And yet I still do not learn from the previous hard lesson to stop the doubting lol lol
I do know this as a fact of life and gospel for myself and my life. I know who my friends are. I know that if they heard the little voice in the back of my mind out loud they would slap me silly and knock the voice out. I know that whom ever I date that instinct will kick in as it has in the past and it will crush that self doubt. I know that my friends value my friendship. I know that I actually have a massive earthly amount of self worth and so far that knowledge of myself has won over the doubting thomas in my sub concious. I know that one day I will be one of those sickingly happily married and lovely people out there. I know that when that happens and when I realise the judgement of others has no baring on my life those doubting voices will vanish completely. And for now I will just have to wage a battle to keep the at bay until I know myself fully for myself .......
Friday, October 19, 2007
I Have Been on The Hunt
No not the man hunt as begining to believe the Louisa curse is kicking in again on that front... a whole different post for you all at another time
No I have been on the hunt for a song that I have had no idea of who the singer is or the tittle. For Canadian readers they may know what I am talking about. The Joe comericals ( for UK readers Joe is like George in ASDA but it is in our Superstore over here) They have been playing as series of new adds that are simply amazing and some of the best marketing I have seen in a very long time. It is all down to a song.
It has been a song that has been stuck in my head for weeks and weeks. The same line has played in my head over and over " your my dream tonight". If you like Feist you will adore this song as well as the other song called "Mixed Up" from another ad campaign.
So I went on the hunt to find this song. I eventually found you could actually download it straight from the Joe website joe.ca. But that still did not satisfy me I wanted to know who sang this song!!! The women has what I call a fairy like voice. It grabs your heart when she sings and I can safely say it has grabbed my heart so much
This is what I found. Her name is Rhonda Stakich from Toronto. Her name is NOT on the Joe webiste which personally annoys me as it is a unreal song !
It always makes me happy to find a not on the radar artist. It makes me happy to find a non mainstream talented voice! If you like Feist you will like this women. I hope to hear more of her music
No I have been on the hunt for a song that I have had no idea of who the singer is or the tittle. For Canadian readers they may know what I am talking about. The Joe comericals ( for UK readers Joe is like George in ASDA but it is in our Superstore over here) They have been playing as series of new adds that are simply amazing and some of the best marketing I have seen in a very long time. It is all down to a song.
It has been a song that has been stuck in my head for weeks and weeks. The same line has played in my head over and over " your my dream tonight". If you like Feist you will adore this song as well as the other song called "Mixed Up" from another ad campaign.
So I went on the hunt to find this song. I eventually found you could actually download it straight from the Joe website joe.ca. But that still did not satisfy me I wanted to know who sang this song!!! The women has what I call a fairy like voice. It grabs your heart when she sings and I can safely say it has grabbed my heart so much
This is what I found. Her name is Rhonda Stakich from Toronto. Her name is NOT on the Joe webiste which personally annoys me as it is a unreal song !
It always makes me happy to find a not on the radar artist. It makes me happy to find a non mainstream talented voice! If you like Feist you will like this women. I hope to hear more of her music
Paranoid or Being a Fool or Neither
I have a tendancy to think the worst of things. I believe I do this as a protection sort of barrier really. I think sub-conciously I do it on purpose really. I have the belief maybe that if I think the worst then the worst will not happen to me.
I am never very good at opening myself up to people due to past experinces and my personality. However I put on a very good front of always being open and optomistic which I think is a skill ha ha !
So if someone was not speaking to you like they did before do you assume the worst? Do you assume that it is for a bad reason ( which is what I tend to do ) or do you assume you are being foolish and simply paranoid ?! It is likely I am being paranoid to be truthful but it is like there is this little voice in my head saying " Its the worst possible reason Louisa and you know it !" lol lol I am not sure yet how to stop the worst case thinking I tend to do more often then not but I know I need to.
Also I do know that if something changes in a friendship or aquaintance then it is not worth worrying over. There are somethings in your life you cannot change. There are somethings in your life you cannot control.
The only thing you can change is yourself and only for the better. The only thing you can control is yourself and again for good and not bad. So I will control my destiny and my life. I will stop worrying over things I cannot control. I have to realize I cannot make people like me or want me. I think once I figure that out I will be ok really.
Yep this is the end of another Louisa Babble everyone lol THANKS!! x
I am never very good at opening myself up to people due to past experinces and my personality. However I put on a very good front of always being open and optomistic which I think is a skill ha ha !
So if someone was not speaking to you like they did before do you assume the worst? Do you assume that it is for a bad reason ( which is what I tend to do ) or do you assume you are being foolish and simply paranoid ?! It is likely I am being paranoid to be truthful but it is like there is this little voice in my head saying " Its the worst possible reason Louisa and you know it !" lol lol I am not sure yet how to stop the worst case thinking I tend to do more often then not but I know I need to.
Also I do know that if something changes in a friendship or aquaintance then it is not worth worrying over. There are somethings in your life you cannot change. There are somethings in your life you cannot control.
The only thing you can change is yourself and only for the better. The only thing you can control is yourself and again for good and not bad. So I will control my destiny and my life. I will stop worrying over things I cannot control. I have to realize I cannot make people like me or want me. I think once I figure that out I will be ok really.
Yep this is the end of another Louisa Babble everyone lol THANKS!! x
Thursday, October 18, 2007
When Life Stops Rolling Your Way
So I am so ill right now. It truly is aweful beyond words. I have been fighting a cold for over a week and was beginning to win the battle. I just felt really run down thats all, but I was winning!
Then two days ago I started getting a sore eyelid ( lower) I reckoned it was just a sty nothing more. I was wrong. I woke up this morning went to brush my teeth, looked up in the mirror, and JUMPED back!! My eye was virtually swollen shut ! I mean painfully swollen. It was swollen down beside my nose. It was painful I cannot reiterate how painful this was. I then realized I could not breath through my nose. Turns out I lost the battle with the cold as well. Called work said I was not going to be in and PASSED out in bed. I made a emergancy appointment with the Doc and went in.
So this is what it is: He believes I have had a allergic reaction to something but for the life of him he has no idea what. Then it got infected and a syst yep lovely I know!!! So he has given me heavy duty antibiotics and told me to hot compress it and rest up and be looked after. It was the last part of his reccomendation that sent me in a sad pathetic sorry for myself.
See mum is away for the next 3 weeks. So I am in this massive house by myself, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and also feeling slightly lonely :-(
Is it to much to ask of the world to have someone to look after you when you feel poorly ? I am beginning to believe that potentially it is lol lol
So there you go I am sick ( by the way not contagious sick lol ) and feeling sorry for myself lol
Then two days ago I started getting a sore eyelid ( lower) I reckoned it was just a sty nothing more. I was wrong. I woke up this morning went to brush my teeth, looked up in the mirror, and JUMPED back!! My eye was virtually swollen shut ! I mean painfully swollen. It was swollen down beside my nose. It was painful I cannot reiterate how painful this was. I then realized I could not breath through my nose. Turns out I lost the battle with the cold as well. Called work said I was not going to be in and PASSED out in bed. I made a emergancy appointment with the Doc and went in.
So this is what it is: He believes I have had a allergic reaction to something but for the life of him he has no idea what. Then it got infected and a syst yep lovely I know!!! So he has given me heavy duty antibiotics and told me to hot compress it and rest up and be looked after. It was the last part of his reccomendation that sent me in a sad pathetic sorry for myself.
See mum is away for the next 3 weeks. So I am in this massive house by myself, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and also feeling slightly lonely :-(
Is it to much to ask of the world to have someone to look after you when you feel poorly ? I am beginning to believe that potentially it is lol lol
So there you go I am sick ( by the way not contagious sick lol ) and feeling sorry for myself lol
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Music Music Music ! God I love it !
Its time for another music recommendation entry for you all. As you are aware from the previous blog entry I am currently on a major music kick due to my sexy Ipod Touch ( Oh yeah did I mention I have a shiny new Ipod touch…I didn’t??... Are you sure???....lol)
So I currently LOVE any music I can get my hands on. However there are a few songs and artist out there that stand heads and shoulders above the crowds due to the greatness of their music. So I thought I would pass this all one to you.
There is also an underlying tone to this entry and that is the following: I need recommendations from you all on what artist you are loving right now, what I should download. I am looking for great British acts as well as they seem to be lacking completely on this side of this pond as the music frankly sucks on the radios over here!!
Ok on with my current list of Favorites:
Paulo Nutini
Now for my English readers this is no new artist for you as he has been out over there for over a year. However he is just breaking out over here. I adore this man. I find it completely intriguing that he has SUCH an Italian name and yet he could not be more Scottish so Scottish you cannot understand a word he says in interviews. Fav songs are pretty much all of them but to list the 2 I love currently they are: Million faces, a truly lovely easy listening song. The other and bigger fav is Jenny Don’t be Hasty. This is a classic singing to tapping your foot to in the kitchen song just wicked!!
Plain White T’s
Ok I know that these guys are coming out over there in the UK but they have been here for a bit. I love these guys. It’s another fresh band that has actual stories to their songs. This is the group that I will listen to over and over and over and never get bored. The song I am loving is “Hey there Delilah”. This song made me cry the first time I heard it. I can only wish in my life time to have a man as devoted and unreal as the one in this song. I recommend you find this Album “Every Second Counts” and BUY IT NOW PEOPLE.
Feist
Time for a little Canadian for you all. I was introduced to this women’s music 2 ways. Firstly it was the song advertising the new Ipods and she was also featured in a recent Greys Anatomy show. It is nice to hear a woman sing and not screech down your ears. She has a strangely addictive voice that seems to pull you in. It is music that makes you smile out of the corner of your mouth or from your eyes. I would say she is another of my Sunday listening albums. Another one you need to buy guys. Best song by a country mile is “1234” it makes you want to move and tap your foot. It makes you want to spin in a circle is a leaf covered fall field. It’s simply “nice”
And that’s all folks. Let me know what you think? Also give me recommendations!! I need to fill this Ipod up!
So I currently LOVE any music I can get my hands on. However there are a few songs and artist out there that stand heads and shoulders above the crowds due to the greatness of their music. So I thought I would pass this all one to you.
There is also an underlying tone to this entry and that is the following: I need recommendations from you all on what artist you are loving right now, what I should download. I am looking for great British acts as well as they seem to be lacking completely on this side of this pond as the music frankly sucks on the radios over here!!
Ok on with my current list of Favorites:
Paulo Nutini
Now for my English readers this is no new artist for you as he has been out over there for over a year. However he is just breaking out over here. I adore this man. I find it completely intriguing that he has SUCH an Italian name and yet he could not be more Scottish so Scottish you cannot understand a word he says in interviews. Fav songs are pretty much all of them but to list the 2 I love currently they are: Million faces, a truly lovely easy listening song. The other and bigger fav is Jenny Don’t be Hasty. This is a classic singing to tapping your foot to in the kitchen song just wicked!!
Plain White T’s
Ok I know that these guys are coming out over there in the UK but they have been here for a bit. I love these guys. It’s another fresh band that has actual stories to their songs. This is the group that I will listen to over and over and over and never get bored. The song I am loving is “Hey there Delilah”. This song made me cry the first time I heard it. I can only wish in my life time to have a man as devoted and unreal as the one in this song. I recommend you find this Album “Every Second Counts” and BUY IT NOW PEOPLE.
Feist
Time for a little Canadian for you all. I was introduced to this women’s music 2 ways. Firstly it was the song advertising the new Ipods and she was also featured in a recent Greys Anatomy show. It is nice to hear a woman sing and not screech down your ears. She has a strangely addictive voice that seems to pull you in. It is music that makes you smile out of the corner of your mouth or from your eyes. I would say she is another of my Sunday listening albums. Another one you need to buy guys. Best song by a country mile is “1234” it makes you want to move and tap your foot. It makes you want to spin in a circle is a leaf covered fall field. It’s simply “nice”
And that’s all folks. Let me know what you think? Also give me recommendations!! I need to fill this Ipod up!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Louisa's Life Update as of Today
As the title says this post is an update on my life as of today people!
Life is pretty damn good if I am going to be blunt, and you all know I am nothing but blunt at the best of times.
Ok firstly, I got myself a mobile (cell) FINALLY after almost a year of avoiding it since I came back last November. I have to fully admit (much to Arons sheer glee) that I was a fool not to have one for so long!! Oh my sweet lord I missed having a mobile. I REALLY MISSED TEXTING!! So now the damn thing is fused to my hand …just the way it’s meant to be and Aron is no longer mad at me lol. I ended up getting the LG Chocolate flip phone. My UK friends will understand my frustration with the mobile phone world here in Canada. They suck basically. They are about a year to 2 years behind in technology and phone design. However I will give LG credit where credit is due and say they have done a very European phone here and it’s good. They have had serious issues with the slide version which is what I wanted. They were smart enough to say to me not to get it. Clearly they could see I would end up being a pain in the ass customer!
Ok now for the SUPER FREAKING COOL AMAZING new toy. For my birthday I may have lightly hinted to mum that I wanted an Ipod Touch, ok not so lightly more like begging…it worked!
I am the proud owner of a new ipod touch which currently I do believe I am in love with it actually I am infatuated with it! I cannot stop touching, looking at it and holding it!
Boy front: All good best way to describe it. Still seeing boy previously mentioned and really like him. Completely my type and fits me well if that makes any sense. Will not say more then that as it is early days and I always tend to jinx things or over analyze things as well. So yeah all good is the best way to describe that all to you
That’s my life to date. My birthday is coming up in a week and half. I am having a Halloween pub crawl it will be a gong show. There will be pictures and tales galore for you all!!
Life is pretty damn good if I am going to be blunt, and you all know I am nothing but blunt at the best of times.
Ok firstly, I got myself a mobile (cell) FINALLY after almost a year of avoiding it since I came back last November. I have to fully admit (much to Arons sheer glee) that I was a fool not to have one for so long!! Oh my sweet lord I missed having a mobile. I REALLY MISSED TEXTING!! So now the damn thing is fused to my hand …just the way it’s meant to be and Aron is no longer mad at me lol. I ended up getting the LG Chocolate flip phone. My UK friends will understand my frustration with the mobile phone world here in Canada. They suck basically. They are about a year to 2 years behind in technology and phone design. However I will give LG credit where credit is due and say they have done a very European phone here and it’s good. They have had serious issues with the slide version which is what I wanted. They were smart enough to say to me not to get it. Clearly they could see I would end up being a pain in the ass customer!
Ok now for the SUPER FREAKING COOL AMAZING new toy. For my birthday I may have lightly hinted to mum that I wanted an Ipod Touch, ok not so lightly more like begging…it worked!
I am the proud owner of a new ipod touch which currently I do believe I am in love with it actually I am infatuated with it! I cannot stop touching, looking at it and holding it!
Boy front: All good best way to describe it. Still seeing boy previously mentioned and really like him. Completely my type and fits me well if that makes any sense. Will not say more then that as it is early days and I always tend to jinx things or over analyze things as well. So yeah all good is the best way to describe that all to you
That’s my life to date. My birthday is coming up in a week and half. I am having a Halloween pub crawl it will be a gong show. There will be pictures and tales galore for you all!!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
If you .......
So if you miss a person you recently met is it a good thing??
If you think about the person without getting that cold feet feelingand instead a happy felling its a good thing right??
I am thinking it is a good thing personally but just thought would throw that out there to see what others think thats all
I do not have that cold feet feeling. For those that know me and my unbelievable cold feet instincts this is a very good thing you know ....very good indeed ...
If you think about the person without getting that cold feet feelingand instead a happy felling its a good thing right??
I am thinking it is a good thing personally but just thought would throw that out there to see what others think thats all
I do not have that cold feet feeling. For those that know me and my unbelievable cold feet instincts this is a very good thing you know ....very good indeed ...
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Monthly Update - September
Well September has been and gone and oh so damn fast I have to say !
It was generally a quiet month for me but a fun in fact a sper fun month for me !
I went to Spruce Meadows with my oldest and dearest friend Aron and made a new fast and stead friend in Beth ! We had a brlliant time and I got the most amazing photos from it all as well.
I met Arons new man who in my eyes just ROCKS! The boy is very cool and I believe she has picked a truly lovely big hearted funny as hell boy there. So I wish them both the best in the world !! ( I know Aron reads this , him no her yes and I know she will have a grin from ear to ear after reading that )
Lets see what else.....hmmmmm... I did meet a boy. I won't say much as like to keep somethings to myself for the time being and the fact that he also knows abut my blog would be a factor lol. I do have to keep somethings a mystery don't I ??? BUt will say this he is lovely.
Hugo Chavez the kitten is a thug. Yep I picked the biggest thug at the shelter and brought him home. He has blended in so well here its as if he has always been in our home and hearts.
And now it is October. Thanksgiving is like 2 days away and my birthday is only 25 days away !! Yikes 29 and still searching for that happiness. September did not bring it fully but who knows maybe October will.
I will say this about September. It is a month to realize you are never to wish your days away. It is a month to relish in an amaing summer. It is a month to relive memories that put a smile and warmth in your heart. It is the month to reflect and recharge yourself.
September for me has been the month that I came out of my funk and saw sunshine again. It is a month to remember who my friends are and what they mean to me ( Aron !! xo) It is a month to open ones heart and to realize that not all things will hurt or scare you. It is my month to let go of ghosts and demons and remember I am a person that thrives on love and attention.
Roll on October !!!
It was generally a quiet month for me but a fun in fact a sper fun month for me !
I went to Spruce Meadows with my oldest and dearest friend Aron and made a new fast and stead friend in Beth ! We had a brlliant time and I got the most amazing photos from it all as well.
I met Arons new man who in my eyes just ROCKS! The boy is very cool and I believe she has picked a truly lovely big hearted funny as hell boy there. So I wish them both the best in the world !! ( I know Aron reads this , him no her yes and I know she will have a grin from ear to ear after reading that )
Lets see what else.....hmmmmm... I did meet a boy. I won't say much as like to keep somethings to myself for the time being and the fact that he also knows abut my blog would be a factor lol. I do have to keep somethings a mystery don't I ??? BUt will say this he is lovely.
Hugo Chavez the kitten is a thug. Yep I picked the biggest thug at the shelter and brought him home. He has blended in so well here its as if he has always been in our home and hearts.
And now it is October. Thanksgiving is like 2 days away and my birthday is only 25 days away !! Yikes 29 and still searching for that happiness. September did not bring it fully but who knows maybe October will.
I will say this about September. It is a month to realize you are never to wish your days away. It is a month to relish in an amaing summer. It is a month to relive memories that put a smile and warmth in your heart. It is the month to reflect and recharge yourself.
September for me has been the month that I came out of my funk and saw sunshine again. It is a month to remember who my friends are and what they mean to me ( Aron !! xo) It is a month to open ones heart and to realize that not all things will hurt or scare you. It is my month to let go of ghosts and demons and remember I am a person that thrives on love and attention.
Roll on October !!!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Obsessively Listening over and over an over ........
Ok those who know me know I love my music and could never ever live without it. I am also known to fixate on certian bands or songs at certian times.
Currently it has been The Fray and and the Canadian icon that is Sam Roberts. I mean seriously listening over and over
However .... I have a new fixation right now and it is one song in particular. I have no idea why but damn I play it over and over ( the boys in the shop office are about ready to kill me lol ! )
Its David Grey ( yes yes yet more melencholy shit however it is good shit ha ! ) It is from the Life in Slow Motion Album
It is the 3rd track on the Album. There is something about the song but I have no idea what it is but I do love it like you would not believe. He has a voice that pierces your heart and sticks in your mind for a lifetime. He is yet another song writer that makes you "think" he makes your brain tick as you listen to him. This is music I like music that forces me to listen as it has a story or a purpose behind it.
Don not get me wrong I LOVE fluff music. Throw some rap or rnb on and I will shake my money maker but you know sometimes you just want something to make you tick musically
This song makes me tick musically
"Lately"
That the sky would lift That I'd find my place That I'd see your face in the door And the sun would glint An a time well spent An a time that ain't no more
Taste the broken hearts In the vacant lots See the fruit that rots on the trees Try to turn my head Leave it all for dead But it's in my mind always
Honey lately I've been way down A load on my mind Honey lately I've been way down Load on my mind
Someone tell me where did it go Darling I'm damned if i know I seen that look in your eye No-one ever gave it a chance I could have said in advance You saw it all at a glance And goodbye
Drag a salted kiss From this cup of bliss Watch a new lie twist on the breeze
You can paint it red Leave it all for dead But it's in my head always
Honey lately I've been way down A load on my mind Honey lately I've been way down Load on my mind
Someone tell me where did it go Darling I'm damned if i know Iseen that look in your eye No-one ever gave it a chance I could have said in advance You saw it all at a glance And goodbye
Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye
Honey lately i've been way down Honey lately i've been way down Honey lately i've been way down Honey lately i've been way down
Lately Lately
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Setting the Record Straight
Someone recently asked me via the internet and face book “why I was always so unhappy”
Now when I first read this a few answers and comebacks bounced into my apparent depressed brain (I am not depressed let me make that clear, that was sarcasm)
Firstly I thought “you do not know me so why would you ask me such a question without knowing the facts or the reasoning’s behind my down times.
Secondly I then thought : Well I did post my current unhappiness on the internet for all and sundry to read however that still gives no one person the right to question my feelings.
Then I began to think. I am not depressed. I am simply in a down period in my life. I need to make a few things clear to people so hear I go:
I have moved back to a country that is so very foreign to me even though it is my true home. I have been away for almost 6 years and I have been back only 9 months. There is a lot of readjusting to do for me to do. I left the most amazing friend base in the UK to come to a non existent friend base in Canada. Seriously zero friends. It was like being in grade 2 all over again and looking around a room at everyone thinking “please like me” but in a much grander scale then a grade 2 class room.
I had a long relationship with someone in the UK that ended on the worst terms ever. It did end long before I left the UK however it was still hovering heavily on my heart. So that also made me (god I hate this term) “damaged goods”. So now when I think about relationships I cannot help but compare to the past experiences which I believe is only natural really but it does put a damper on things really lol lol.
I had a home in the UK although small it was perfectly formed!! I mean really small ha! But the point is that it was my home. Here I have had to move back home to live with my mum. This is soooo not a bad thing but when you are 28 and when you have spent the last 6 years of your life depending solely upon yourself it is a serious slam back down to reality.
I touched on the falling for as friend thing previously and I will not deny that this has played a major role in the current “Louisa’s Merriground moods” It was a mistake but not a mistake I would EVER take back in my life time. It did however send me spiraling downhill when I waved him off back home that Saturday. What it also did was make me crave I mean absolutely crave to have a relationship. In the same light that scares me as I am worried I will “settle” for what ever comes my way and that is never a good thing.
The point of blogs, live journals, notes, online diaries is to be able to voice your current state of mind, your thoughts, beliefs and feelings. So you know what I will continue to write about them and you know what if anyone does not like hearing about it or reading about it …simply do not read it. I make the choice to post it you make the choice to read it.
(P.S I am actually a very funny girl by the way lol and I laugh endlessly and from the heart. I do not want to swallow a load of pills cut my wrists, throw myself in front of a very fast moving train or jump of anything high. I will have a drink however on occasion …pretty sure that’s allowed lol???)
Now when I first read this a few answers and comebacks bounced into my apparent depressed brain (I am not depressed let me make that clear, that was sarcasm)
Firstly I thought “you do not know me so why would you ask me such a question without knowing the facts or the reasoning’s behind my down times.
Secondly I then thought : Well I did post my current unhappiness on the internet for all and sundry to read however that still gives no one person the right to question my feelings.
Then I began to think. I am not depressed. I am simply in a down period in my life. I need to make a few things clear to people so hear I go:
I have moved back to a country that is so very foreign to me even though it is my true home. I have been away for almost 6 years and I have been back only 9 months. There is a lot of readjusting to do for me to do. I left the most amazing friend base in the UK to come to a non existent friend base in Canada. Seriously zero friends. It was like being in grade 2 all over again and looking around a room at everyone thinking “please like me” but in a much grander scale then a grade 2 class room.
I had a long relationship with someone in the UK that ended on the worst terms ever. It did end long before I left the UK however it was still hovering heavily on my heart. So that also made me (god I hate this term) “damaged goods”. So now when I think about relationships I cannot help but compare to the past experiences which I believe is only natural really but it does put a damper on things really lol lol.
I had a home in the UK although small it was perfectly formed!! I mean really small ha! But the point is that it was my home. Here I have had to move back home to live with my mum. This is soooo not a bad thing but when you are 28 and when you have spent the last 6 years of your life depending solely upon yourself it is a serious slam back down to reality.
I touched on the falling for as friend thing previously and I will not deny that this has played a major role in the current “Louisa’s Merriground moods” It was a mistake but not a mistake I would EVER take back in my life time. It did however send me spiraling downhill when I waved him off back home that Saturday. What it also did was make me crave I mean absolutely crave to have a relationship. In the same light that scares me as I am worried I will “settle” for what ever comes my way and that is never a good thing.
The point of blogs, live journals, notes, online diaries is to be able to voice your current state of mind, your thoughts, beliefs and feelings. So you know what I will continue to write about them and you know what if anyone does not like hearing about it or reading about it …simply do not read it. I make the choice to post it you make the choice to read it.
(P.S I am actually a very funny girl by the way lol and I laugh endlessly and from the heart. I do not want to swallow a load of pills cut my wrists, throw myself in front of a very fast moving train or jump of anything high. I will have a drink however on occasion …pretty sure that’s allowed lol???)
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Expectations to High or Being Realistic ???
Ok so I went on a date today. This is a good thing for multiple reasons mainly that someone actually requested to go on a date with me lol ol ( yes I am being self depricating I know)
It was a good date. We had a good meal. We had a good conversation. We had good interaction. We had a good time. The point is that it was " good" it was not " sparks" nor was it " wow ".
He was a nice looking guy witha great heart on him I mean he paid ! Trust me I have had dates that have got out the calculator to fgureout how much each of us owes so paying is good !
But he was not good enough I am thinking.
Am I being unrealistic in wanting a really good looking guy . By good looking I mean 8 not 10 but not below 8. I am now going to be brutally honest. I.AM.NOT.A.8. I would rate myself at about a 6 and thats pushing it. I am NOT running myself down or being cruel I am however being realistic and honest and truthfull with myself. That is the honest truth I am 6 at best. BUt I am 6 that would really like a 8 on her arms for christ sakes lol
But that is not the main thing ...seriously its not. The main thing is as follows:
I need someone who will stand up to me. Some one who is strong and fast witted. Someone who can slam my ass down to reality when I get to big for my boots. I REALLY need someone who will make me laugh to the point of wetting myself. I know like 2 people that can do that right now guy wise. Mason as he is just so god damn funny and can just make me giggle. And a guy I work with seriously makes me laugh with the fastest sense of wicked humor I know. I seriously know few other men who can do that to me. Both are very very funny and smart which is always a bonus.
I did not get this on my date which is a serious issue I think. I need those things as mentioned above. I cannot have someone who will let me walk all over them but at the same time I do not need clingy and overbaring, its a very fine line you know.
I also had one other tiny teeny little problem. I was throughout the date comparing him to a certian someone who I have mentioned befoe .I KNOW THIS IS BAD !! but I could not help myself for doing it. The whole time I was thinking of the certian someone and that was soooo not cool.
So do I have unrealistic expectations or to high. OR am I right in not settling for the first bone thrown at me ( no pun intended there)
I have also set myself up for a fall for liking guys that are sooo complicated. Guys that have so many issues that really they should walk around in neon green screaming ...I AM A MESS DO NOT SHOW THE REMOTEST SIGN OF INTEREST!! Guys that arehooked on someone else guys that do not know I exist guys that do not knwo what they want. Seriously its like I have radar for the wrong guys lol lol
I am lonely and I am sick of it you know ....its not fun I reccomend it to no one. I reccomend no one sleep alone and miss that feeling of someone in slumber beside you. I reccomend no one lacks sharing a morning paper or buying a cheap little present for someone becuase you feel like it. I reccomend no one goes to sleep at night looking over at the otherside of the bed and just .....wishing .....
It was a good date. We had a good meal. We had a good conversation. We had good interaction. We had a good time. The point is that it was " good" it was not " sparks" nor was it " wow ".
He was a nice looking guy witha great heart on him I mean he paid ! Trust me I have had dates that have got out the calculator to fgureout how much each of us owes so paying is good !
But he was not good enough I am thinking.
Am I being unrealistic in wanting a really good looking guy . By good looking I mean 8 not 10 but not below 8. I am now going to be brutally honest. I.AM.NOT.A.8. I would rate myself at about a 6 and thats pushing it. I am NOT running myself down or being cruel I am however being realistic and honest and truthfull with myself. That is the honest truth I am 6 at best. BUt I am 6 that would really like a 8 on her arms for christ sakes lol
But that is not the main thing ...seriously its not. The main thing is as follows:
I need someone who will stand up to me. Some one who is strong and fast witted. Someone who can slam my ass down to reality when I get to big for my boots. I REALLY need someone who will make me laugh to the point of wetting myself. I know like 2 people that can do that right now guy wise. Mason as he is just so god damn funny and can just make me giggle. And a guy I work with seriously makes me laugh with the fastest sense of wicked humor I know. I seriously know few other men who can do that to me. Both are very very funny and smart which is always a bonus.
I did not get this on my date which is a serious issue I think. I need those things as mentioned above. I cannot have someone who will let me walk all over them but at the same time I do not need clingy and overbaring, its a very fine line you know.
I also had one other tiny teeny little problem. I was throughout the date comparing him to a certian someone who I have mentioned befoe .I KNOW THIS IS BAD !! but I could not help myself for doing it. The whole time I was thinking of the certian someone and that was soooo not cool.
So do I have unrealistic expectations or to high. OR am I right in not settling for the first bone thrown at me ( no pun intended there)
I have also set myself up for a fall for liking guys that are sooo complicated. Guys that have so many issues that really they should walk around in neon green screaming ...I AM A MESS DO NOT SHOW THE REMOTEST SIGN OF INTEREST!! Guys that arehooked on someone else guys that do not know I exist guys that do not knwo what they want. Seriously its like I have radar for the wrong guys lol lol
I am lonely and I am sick of it you know ....its not fun I reccomend it to no one. I reccomend no one sleep alone and miss that feeling of someone in slumber beside you. I reccomend no one lacks sharing a morning paper or buying a cheap little present for someone becuase you feel like it. I reccomend no one goes to sleep at night looking over at the otherside of the bed and just .....wishing .....
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My Spruce Meadows Weekend and General Update
I had a brilliant time in Calgary this weekend. A seriously good time. It was so nice to spend time with Aron. Plus it was a major big bonus to meet Beth, Arons friend, the girl rocks and I hope we can become good friends as she is my kind of people if you know what I mean.
So the hotel was sooooo nice very posh and very pretty. I felt like the poor girl going into the castle slightly !! We went out for dinner on Friday to Wild Ginger and it was truly very nice :-)
Saturday we saw the Nations Cup at Spruce. I have so many amazing pictures it is unreal. We had amazing seats hence amazing pics like this:
So those were Satrudays pics. There are so many more but I willnot bore you will just move on to Sundays pics lol !!
The Grey was my dram horse and the current world champ from Belgium, Jos Lansink.
So as you can see it was a amazing time the girls and I had a brilliant time together and there were no issues what so ever!! 
On Saturday nighht we went out to donner which was kindly bought by Aron's "Man friend" who we will call G which was so very nice of him and really kind....as it was not CHEAP !! lol
Really like G and I am so very happy for Aron. I am crossing my fingers that it works out supper well for her. So that was my weekend
Now for a update: I am sick. I have no idea what it is but I feel like shit currently. I wish to crawl into bed in a ball and die presently...ok that may be slightly dramatic but you get the general idea.
Oh and I met a boy of sorts. Thats all I am really saying as I am not jinx a damn thing but we are going out soon and I will let you know what happens. He seems very nice and very down to earth which is exactly what I need right now. Actually I would take just about anything right now to be truthful...i have gone past the picky stage I think ....
Thursday, September 06, 2007
You Know Secretly.....
You know secretly I want kids.
I have always professed the biggest dislike of children however secretly I think I do eventually want them you know.
I do not know why this is but I do know part of the reason why I always said I never want them. I have this great fear of having kids with completely the wrong person. I want my potential children to have the coolest dad in the world. But a dad who is a dad not a friend. I want my potential kids to have a dad who they can turn to and a dad they can giggle with as small toddlers, cry with as adolsecents and have proper adult belly laughters with when they are adults.
I do think this is hard to find in most men. You know all the men I dated I could never see them as fathers. It was impossible to see it. Maybe that is art of the reason I have always been so negative about it. Maybe it is because I had the most amazing father who was a FATHER ! He knew what he was doing you know.
I also think that part of the reason I never wanted them is I was scared of losing the independence I have in my life ( note: the independence is slowly turning into wandering loner who will never settle down..not such a good thing) But I do love my independence and the thought of having to give that up for a small person is slightly not cool.
Saying all that the ore I think about it the more I know eventually I do want them. I have very close guy friends that I would love to see as fathers ( I am so not saying father of mine however if in 10 years nothing is going on then their services may be needed ha !! ) they would make the most amazingly cool dads but see they have to find the right mothers.
So yes secretly I want kids. I have no idea when and lets face it I am destined to be single forever at this rate as no one seems all that interested in the goods. But yes secretly I want the life sucking little midgets ...opps that was my inside voice escaping there .....
I have always professed the biggest dislike of children however secretly I think I do eventually want them you know.
I do not know why this is but I do know part of the reason why I always said I never want them. I have this great fear of having kids with completely the wrong person. I want my potential children to have the coolest dad in the world. But a dad who is a dad not a friend. I want my potential kids to have a dad who they can turn to and a dad they can giggle with as small toddlers, cry with as adolsecents and have proper adult belly laughters with when they are adults.
I do think this is hard to find in most men. You know all the men I dated I could never see them as fathers. It was impossible to see it. Maybe that is art of the reason I have always been so negative about it. Maybe it is because I had the most amazing father who was a FATHER ! He knew what he was doing you know.
I also think that part of the reason I never wanted them is I was scared of losing the independence I have in my life ( note: the independence is slowly turning into wandering loner who will never settle down..not such a good thing) But I do love my independence and the thought of having to give that up for a small person is slightly not cool.
Saying all that the ore I think about it the more I know eventually I do want them. I have very close guy friends that I would love to see as fathers ( I am so not saying father of mine however if in 10 years nothing is going on then their services may be needed ha !! ) they would make the most amazingly cool dads but see they have to find the right mothers.
So yes secretly I want kids. I have no idea when and lets face it I am destined to be single forever at this rate as no one seems all that interested in the goods. But yes secretly I want the life sucking little midgets ...opps that was my inside voice escaping there .....
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Canada v.s England
So one of my nameless comment people got me thinking about my Canada versus England situation. I am always asked "Do you miss living in England?" or " Is it better here then there?" When I was in the UK I always got the comment " You grew up in Canada and came to live here ...why?!"
So I reckon I would do the old pros and cons thing for you all tonight.
The Worst bits of England
The rain. Yes it rains endlessly there. I say it is the worst bit however you do actually tune it out and begin to get to a point where you simply do not notice it but it still sucks
The costs of SOME things. Not all things are pricey if you know where to look. But things like fruit and Gas are so expensive.
The constant stream of asylum seakers. it is a problem there. When I first moved I did not see the issue with it. However by the time I left it was bad. There are a endless stream of them and a lot, not all, are not really asylum seakers by any stretch of the imagination.
The lack of bank holidays. England sucks in that department !! the rest of Europe has like 3 or 4 more a year dammit !
Bad rental flats. Seriously they are bad. There is no such thing as moving into a clean flat. You are promised at least a good 2 days of cleaning before you dare take your shoes off !
The cost of housing is so high. To get a tiny 300 sq foot flat it is going to cost you at least 900 a month no bills or council tax included those are are extra just for your pleasure !
The Worst of Canada ( yes there is such a thing)
The endless winters. I love skiing and winter and snow however 6-7 months of the year is so excessive!
The fashion. It is bad and it is like 12 months behind Europe ! Why is it we are still in hip hugging jeans and pants when whats in over there is high wasited which is sooo much better ! oh and the shoes are better in Europe then here
The loud people. I am a loud girl but after almost 10 months of being back my ears still hurt from the volume of human voices here.
The drivers!!!! You all suck sorry guys it is true. There is a fast/passing lane and a rest of traffic lane. If you are ot passing pull the fuck over. Really there are so many bad drivers here !
The roads to they are bad here. I can safely say in years of driving in the UK I never hit a pothole.
The men. Sorry fellas. But the men here are terrible. they have no idea how to behave around a women. They have no idea on how to dress themselves or fashion, how to present themselves and how tobe a gentleman. I have yet to meet a guy who makes my heart flutter ...i am destined to be single in Canada
The cost of flying!!! to damn expensive here its silly
The music. There are amazing Canadian artists however not to the extent of Britian and they are few and far between.
The Best of England
FISH AND CHIPS!! Enough said
The men. Oh my god the men. Guys over there do not like skinny skinmny girls they like normal girls. The majority know how to sweet talk a girl. They know how to dress how to look good. They are the ones the ones that chase there not the women. I neverhad a problem dating there like I do here
The friends I made. It is so much easier to make friends there then here. Here I feel like a outsider like I do not quiet fit in the puzzle. I feel like a londer and wanderer here.
The fashion !! oh lord it is good there
The social life. Socially they are much better in the UK. They are also not as clique there.
Spring. The season of spring over there is unreal. The smells, the sights the everything
The best of Canada
Its Canada. Its like the dream country for the majority of the world.
The mountians ! hey they are simply breathtaking!
Skiing. Hmm god Ilove to be able to have the ability to just go skiing any old time I want to
Family and home. This is home and where my family is, need i say more??
Cheaper beer. Oh and it is stronger lol
Trees and ski. You know I never saw the stars when I was in the UK Here i see the stars every night !
Canada day! we are so proud of it here you know
So there is a bref lol list. I am going to say this though, I crave england. If I had the means an the money I would live there. I seem to have a connection there that I do not have here. I have friends I miss more then the world and that willalways pull my heart strings. I love Canada and it is my " forever home" but there is a emotional pull towards the UK and and comfortability there. I felt more at easy in my skin in the UK hen I ever will here.
Here I feel out of mydepths as though I will never fit in anywhere. I am more of a loner here and I seem to ge down much more quickly here and find it hard to pull myself out of it here. Where as in the UK I would get down but it would last almost seconds.
But I made the decsion to come back and I am back. I am not one to back down from a challenge so I am sticking it out but some times I need that encouragement and friend base.
I need more of that in my life I think
Lonely and awkward is never a nice feeling you know.....
So I reckon I would do the old pros and cons thing for you all tonight.
The Worst bits of England
The rain. Yes it rains endlessly there. I say it is the worst bit however you do actually tune it out and begin to get to a point where you simply do not notice it but it still sucks
The costs of SOME things. Not all things are pricey if you know where to look. But things like fruit and Gas are so expensive.
The constant stream of asylum seakers. it is a problem there. When I first moved I did not see the issue with it. However by the time I left it was bad. There are a endless stream of them and a lot, not all, are not really asylum seakers by any stretch of the imagination.
The lack of bank holidays. England sucks in that department !! the rest of Europe has like 3 or 4 more a year dammit !
Bad rental flats. Seriously they are bad. There is no such thing as moving into a clean flat. You are promised at least a good 2 days of cleaning before you dare take your shoes off !
The cost of housing is so high. To get a tiny 300 sq foot flat it is going to cost you at least 900 a month no bills or council tax included those are are extra just for your pleasure !
The Worst of Canada ( yes there is such a thing)
The endless winters. I love skiing and winter and snow however 6-7 months of the year is so excessive!
The fashion. It is bad and it is like 12 months behind Europe ! Why is it we are still in hip hugging jeans and pants when whats in over there is high wasited which is sooo much better ! oh and the shoes are better in Europe then here
The loud people. I am a loud girl but after almost 10 months of being back my ears still hurt from the volume of human voices here.
The drivers!!!! You all suck sorry guys it is true. There is a fast/passing lane and a rest of traffic lane. If you are ot passing pull the fuck over. Really there are so many bad drivers here !
The roads to they are bad here. I can safely say in years of driving in the UK I never hit a pothole.
The men. Sorry fellas. But the men here are terrible. they have no idea how to behave around a women. They have no idea on how to dress themselves or fashion, how to present themselves and how tobe a gentleman. I have yet to meet a guy who makes my heart flutter ...i am destined to be single in Canada
The cost of flying!!! to damn expensive here its silly
The music. There are amazing Canadian artists however not to the extent of Britian and they are few and far between.
The Best of England
FISH AND CHIPS!! Enough said
The men. Oh my god the men. Guys over there do not like skinny skinmny girls they like normal girls. The majority know how to sweet talk a girl. They know how to dress how to look good. They are the ones the ones that chase there not the women. I neverhad a problem dating there like I do here
The friends I made. It is so much easier to make friends there then here. Here I feel like a outsider like I do not quiet fit in the puzzle. I feel like a londer and wanderer here.
The fashion !! oh lord it is good there
The social life. Socially they are much better in the UK. They are also not as clique there.
Spring. The season of spring over there is unreal. The smells, the sights the everything
The best of Canada
Its Canada. Its like the dream country for the majority of the world.
The mountians ! hey they are simply breathtaking!
Skiing. Hmm god Ilove to be able to have the ability to just go skiing any old time I want to
Family and home. This is home and where my family is, need i say more??
Cheaper beer. Oh and it is stronger lol
Trees and ski. You know I never saw the stars when I was in the UK Here i see the stars every night !
Canada day! we are so proud of it here you know
So there is a bref lol list. I am going to say this though, I crave england. If I had the means an the money I would live there. I seem to have a connection there that I do not have here. I have friends I miss more then the world and that willalways pull my heart strings. I love Canada and it is my " forever home" but there is a emotional pull towards the UK and and comfortability there. I felt more at easy in my skin in the UK hen I ever will here.
Here I feel out of mydepths as though I will never fit in anywhere. I am more of a loner here and I seem to ge down much more quickly here and find it hard to pull myself out of it here. Where as in the UK I would get down but it would last almost seconds.
But I made the decsion to come back and I am back. I am not one to back down from a challenge so I am sticking it out but some times I need that encouragement and friend base.
I need more of that in my life I think
Lonely and awkward is never a nice feeling you know.....
My Neurotic Weekend Away with Glamazons....
So this Friday I am off down south to Calgary. Aron one of my oldest friends who I have mentioned in previous posts has kindly invited me. It is the Spruce Meadows Masters for show jumping.
For as long as I can remember I have had a great connection with Spruce Meadows. It is the place where stuff is made of dreams. It is stunningly beautiful and the most amazing show to watch!
So yeah I am very excited about the Masters part. I am however some what nervous about the people stuff. Let me explain * be warned Louisa neurotic shit about to commence*
I am a pretty “ ordinary girl” I am not a glamazon or a skinny mini nor am I a cheerleader type. I am a normal ordinary girl. Aron however is a glamazon and pretty much all her friends are. Now do not take this the wrong way. In no way is Aron rude, snobby mean or like the “ Mean girls” in the movies, she to is actually a very normal girl. But I am still worried I am going to feel so out of place and awkward. I am normally pretty good at putting a show of being A okay on however this one is going to be a hard show I reckon.
I have worried about what to wear for the last 3 weeks SERIOUSLY 3 weeks. See we are going to 2 of the hottest clubs there as VIP’s and so will be going into full blown glamazon territory!
I actually at one point considered backing out and begging off. I voiced this concern to Amason the other night and he promptly kicked me verbally in the ass and advised me that Aron would actually be hurt if I did not go and that she genuinely deeply cares for me…guilt trip worked no backing out for me.
SOOO I am going to put on a damn good show of it this weekend. I am going to try and not let my neurotic thought patterns drive me over the edge and just get on with it! So I will enjoy myself, party the nights away and stare in awe at the best riders in the world during the day !
So wish me luck….. I actually think I may need it this time to hold myself together ……
For as long as I can remember I have had a great connection with Spruce Meadows. It is the place where stuff is made of dreams. It is stunningly beautiful and the most amazing show to watch!
So yeah I am very excited about the Masters part. I am however some what nervous about the people stuff. Let me explain * be warned Louisa neurotic shit about to commence*
I am a pretty “ ordinary girl” I am not a glamazon or a skinny mini nor am I a cheerleader type. I am a normal ordinary girl. Aron however is a glamazon and pretty much all her friends are. Now do not take this the wrong way. In no way is Aron rude, snobby mean or like the “ Mean girls” in the movies, she to is actually a very normal girl. But I am still worried I am going to feel so out of place and awkward. I am normally pretty good at putting a show of being A okay on however this one is going to be a hard show I reckon.
I have worried about what to wear for the last 3 weeks SERIOUSLY 3 weeks. See we are going to 2 of the hottest clubs there as VIP’s and so will be going into full blown glamazon territory!
I actually at one point considered backing out and begging off. I voiced this concern to Amason the other night and he promptly kicked me verbally in the ass and advised me that Aron would actually be hurt if I did not go and that she genuinely deeply cares for me…guilt trip worked no backing out for me.
SOOO I am going to put on a damn good show of it this weekend. I am going to try and not let my neurotic thought patterns drive me over the edge and just get on with it! So I will enjoy myself, party the nights away and stare in awe at the best riders in the world during the day !
So wish me luck….. I actually think I may need it this time to hold myself together ……
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Its September ...God damn Its September People
Do you realize it is September ?!?!
Its exactly 3 months minus a few days till Christmas
It is exactly 2 months and 10 days ( roundabout) to Thanksgiving ( for fellow Cannucks)
Its 2 months and 18 days ( sorta) till my dan 29 th Birthday !
God this year has gone so quickly. It is so true what they say. As you get older life seems to begin to fly by ! I do wish it would slow down ! I mean there are so many things I need to sort out in my life and I seem to be running out of blood ti,e. I mean chiefly I need to stop being a near 29 year old living in her mum's basement and strike out and get a piece of land to build on ( oh yeah forgot to tell you that one,I am looking for a piece of land so I can build my own house the way I want it ) yeah so back to that thing living in your mothers basement at 29 is not cool ! Sepember seems to have bourght that realization upon me.
September is still a broken hearted month for me as the end of August was. I have never been one to focus on a boy that is unattainable however for some reason the before mentioned man ( not boy really is he) seem s to have pulled all the heartstrings I possess. I wish it were not the case. I am normally pretty good at steam rolling over things like this moving on and chucking self at some thing new ...not this time!
September however is likely one of my favorite months if I am honest. It is the transition month in the Calander. Its when leaves start to turn. Its when geese fly south in mass flocks. Its when kids go back to school or go to school for the first time. Its the transition into the holiday seasons. Starting with Thanksgiving and ending with New Years eve.I would like to make it my transition month. I wil be truthful and say I am not sure I will be able to but I can make a good go of it can't I ?
I am planning on quitting smoking. I think I have had enough of it now and its time. So September is not only going to be remembered as the transition month but as the " Louisa turned into a fire breathing raving bitch" I am sure you will hear about it if it comes about though people.
So yeah September people its here! So here is to September being the month of clean slates. The month of fresh starts and mending hearts. To the month of beauty and long journeys home.
To one of the nicest months in the year I reckon
Happy September all !
Its exactly 3 months minus a few days till Christmas
It is exactly 2 months and 10 days ( roundabout) to Thanksgiving ( for fellow Cannucks)
Its 2 months and 18 days ( sorta) till my dan 29 th Birthday !
God this year has gone so quickly. It is so true what they say. As you get older life seems to begin to fly by ! I do wish it would slow down ! I mean there are so many things I need to sort out in my life and I seem to be running out of blood ti,e. I mean chiefly I need to stop being a near 29 year old living in her mum's basement and strike out and get a piece of land to build on ( oh yeah forgot to tell you that one,I am looking for a piece of land so I can build my own house the way I want it ) yeah so back to that thing living in your mothers basement at 29 is not cool ! Sepember seems to have bourght that realization upon me.
September is still a broken hearted month for me as the end of August was. I have never been one to focus on a boy that is unattainable however for some reason the before mentioned man ( not boy really is he) seem s to have pulled all the heartstrings I possess. I wish it were not the case. I am normally pretty good at steam rolling over things like this moving on and chucking self at some thing new ...not this time!
September however is likely one of my favorite months if I am honest. It is the transition month in the Calander. Its when leaves start to turn. Its when geese fly south in mass flocks. Its when kids go back to school or go to school for the first time. Its the transition into the holiday seasons. Starting with Thanksgiving and ending with New Years eve.I would like to make it my transition month. I wil be truthful and say I am not sure I will be able to but I can make a good go of it can't I ?
I am planning on quitting smoking. I think I have had enough of it now and its time. So September is not only going to be remembered as the transition month but as the " Louisa turned into a fire breathing raving bitch" I am sure you will hear about it if it comes about though people.
So yeah September people its here! So here is to September being the month of clean slates. The month of fresh starts and mending hearts. To the month of beauty and long journeys home.
To one of the nicest months in the year I reckon
Happy September all !
Friday, August 31, 2007
Have you Ever Longed for Something to Happen ....NOW!!!
Well have you ? Have you ever dreamed that thing has happened ? Have you ever woken up in the morning think that dream is real?
Then have you realized after that few seconds of happy sleepy just woken up time that it all just came crashing down round your wrinkled and tossed up bed at the realization thatin fact you were dreaming ??
Well I have and I keep doing it every single god damn morning for the last week ! I am not sleeping well. I am going to sleep each night with the last concious thought being of that and then realizing if I make it my last thougt it only means I am going to dream about it ...again but at that point it is to late the seed has been planted.
So this is the thing all: My friend from the UK who you have all ready about is seriously considering imigrating over here to Canada. In fact I think he has pretty much made up his mind. I want him to be sure he is making a good judgement call for himself. I know he is but he needs to realize he is it is not for me to decide or sway him ( inside I am screaming MOVE NOW DAMMIT ! )
So I have been doing all this research for him. OH MY GOD ! It is sooo hard to get in this damn cold country lol. He actually completely qualifies for a skilled worker however it is a min 5 year wait!!!
There is a much easier option which is a PNP ( Provincal Nomination Plan) basically if he gets a job offer from a company here and the province agrees that it is a under pressure career and they have exhausted all avenues to find a employee then they can hire him. It takes as little as 6 months but the normal time length is roughly 10 - 12 months !
This is a good thing. Finding a mploer willing to go through the paper work is the hard thing.
So for now that longing feeling will have to just stay put as there is nothing I can do about it. It is out of my hands
Anyone got a job going ??
Then have you realized after that few seconds of happy sleepy just woken up time that it all just came crashing down round your wrinkled and tossed up bed at the realization thatin fact you were dreaming ??
Well I have and I keep doing it every single god damn morning for the last week ! I am not sleeping well. I am going to sleep each night with the last concious thought being of that and then realizing if I make it my last thougt it only means I am going to dream about it ...again but at that point it is to late the seed has been planted.
So this is the thing all: My friend from the UK who you have all ready about is seriously considering imigrating over here to Canada. In fact I think he has pretty much made up his mind. I want him to be sure he is making a good judgement call for himself. I know he is but he needs to realize he is it is not for me to decide or sway him ( inside I am screaming MOVE NOW DAMMIT ! )
So I have been doing all this research for him. OH MY GOD ! It is sooo hard to get in this damn cold country lol. He actually completely qualifies for a skilled worker however it is a min 5 year wait!!!
There is a much easier option which is a PNP ( Provincal Nomination Plan) basically if he gets a job offer from a company here and the province agrees that it is a under pressure career and they have exhausted all avenues to find a employee then they can hire him. It takes as little as 6 months but the normal time length is roughly 10 - 12 months !
This is a good thing. Finding a mploer willing to go through the paper work is the hard thing.
So for now that longing feeling will have to just stay put as there is nothing I can do about it. It is out of my hands
Anyone got a job going ??
Thursday, August 30, 2007
In Memory Of My Dad
Today is the 9th aniversary of Dad passing away. He would not have liked us to be moping around, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves. And to be honest we never really have it is not the style of our family, we do not operate that way.
Dad died of a massive heart attack. He had a severe heart condition for the majority of his life. He was on the heart transplant list but alas never made it. He got 18% of the blood and oxygen to his body where others would obviously get more. It never slowed him down.
Dad was insane. Slightly off kilter and very much a English Gentleman and Officer. He had a voice that could be heard over acres and acres of land ( this may have been why he was going so very deaf ! ) He had a personality that could quite literally take over a room in a instant.
He was also a deeply stubborn man, drove mum made to no end. He was not good at admitting when he was wrong and he could be so A type personailty about things. Like every Sunday dad would empty all the spice and food cupboards and re arrange them ...I mean honestly who does that ???
He helped mum raise 3 pretty damn good kids if I do say so myself. He taught the three of use the difference between right and wrong, what morality and integrity is and most of all he taught us to be true to ourselves.
Nine years has flown by at sucha rapid speed. I was still in my teens and Alex was in her first year of Uni. And as for George, well George had the weight of the worlds on his 16 year old shoulders. He handled it fairly well considering. Mum had the most to deal with. # rather unruly kids one dead husband and a business to continue running and by god she did and still does it.
I truly believe if dad could see us now he would be so imensely proud. He has 3 kids that have done so so well for themselves. He has a son about to become a teacher which he would have lovewd. Alex would have been the absolute apple of his eye working at NATO and being in political sciences and me well I think he would have been proud of my time alone away from home my maturity and well for being me really.
Mum he would have been sooooo chuffed with. She kept the business going she kept us going as a family.
So Dad you are missed greatly but I think you would have to admit your family has done alright but we still miss you every single day
Dad died of a massive heart attack. He had a severe heart condition for the majority of his life. He was on the heart transplant list but alas never made it. He got 18% of the blood and oxygen to his body where others would obviously get more. It never slowed him down.
Dad was insane. Slightly off kilter and very much a English Gentleman and Officer. He had a voice that could be heard over acres and acres of land ( this may have been why he was going so very deaf ! ) He had a personality that could quite literally take over a room in a instant.
He was also a deeply stubborn man, drove mum made to no end. He was not good at admitting when he was wrong and he could be so A type personailty about things. Like every Sunday dad would empty all the spice and food cupboards and re arrange them ...I mean honestly who does that ???
He helped mum raise 3 pretty damn good kids if I do say so myself. He taught the three of use the difference between right and wrong, what morality and integrity is and most of all he taught us to be true to ourselves.
Nine years has flown by at sucha rapid speed. I was still in my teens and Alex was in her first year of Uni. And as for George, well George had the weight of the worlds on his 16 year old shoulders. He handled it fairly well considering. Mum had the most to deal with. # rather unruly kids one dead husband and a business to continue running and by god she did and still does it.
I truly believe if dad could see us now he would be so imensely proud. He has 3 kids that have done so so well for themselves. He has a son about to become a teacher which he would have lovewd. Alex would have been the absolute apple of his eye working at NATO and being in political sciences and me well I think he would have been proud of my time alone away from home my maturity and well for being me really.
Mum he would have been sooooo chuffed with. She kept the business going she kept us going as a family.
So Dad you are missed greatly but I think you would have to admit your family has done alright but we still miss you every single day
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