Have you Ever Longed for Something to Happen ....NOW!!!

Well have you ? Have you ever dreamed that thing has happened ? Have you ever woken up in the morning think that dream is real?
Then have you realized after that few seconds of happy sleepy just woken up time that it all just came crashing down round your wrinkled and tossed up bed at the realization thatin fact you were dreaming ??
Well I have and I keep doing it every single god damn morning for the last week ! I am not sleeping well. I am going to sleep each night with the last concious thought being of that and then realizing if I make it my last thougt it only means I am going to dream about it ...again but at that point it is to late the seed has been planted.

So this is the thing all: My friend from the UK who you have all ready about is seriously considering imigrating over here to Canada. In fact I think he has pretty much made up his mind. I want him to be sure he is making a good judgement call for himself. I know he is but he needs to realize he is it is not for me to decide or sway him ( inside I am screaming MOVE NOW DAMMIT ! )
So I have been doing all this research for him. OH MY GOD ! It is sooo hard to get in this damn cold country lol. He actually completely qualifies for a skilled worker however it is a min 5 year wait!!!
There is a much easier option which is a PNP ( Provincal Nomination Plan) basically if he gets a job offer from a company here and the province agrees that it is a under pressure career and they have exhausted all avenues to find a employee then they can hire him. It takes as little as 6 months but the normal time length is roughly 10 - 12 months !
This is a good thing. Finding a mploer willing to go through the paper work is the hard thing.
So for now that longing feeling will have to just stay put as there is nothing I can do about it. It is out of my hands
Anyone got a job going ??

If you Love Something and Let it Go .....

Have you ever figured out after the fact that you love someone and it is possibly to late? I have.
I have however the belief that all things happen for a reason. I am also of the belief that if you do let someone you love go then eventually they will come back to you in one form or another.

I am generally not a overly sentimental person. I tend to steam roll over most things when concerning affairs of the heart. I suppose it is my way of dealing with being or potenially being hurt or destroyed. I am not very good at dealing with the not so nice aspects of life. I am like bird sticking her head in the sand praying things go away. This time I have realized I cannot deal with things like this.
Do I tell people from now on and forever how I feel about them? Do I pour my heart out or do I keep that brick wall up and again pray for the best? I do not honestly know the answer to that yet.

I do know that I still have a heart I still have feelings and I can still love endlessly if I let myself. One thing I will attempt not to do is drown in saddness and self pity. If things are meant to be then things will happen for me and if they do not then that is life and fate.
So yes maybe I do believe in the old saying of
" If you love something let it go. If it loves you it will return"
Just maybe that will happen to me ...who knows

That Lost Feeling

So now for the downer post.

This holiday has awakened something in me that I had forgotten about anf forgot I possessed. I need someone in my life. I will willingly admit that I was so wrong when I said that I like being single....I do not like that feeling.

I potentially fell for my best friend...HARD ! But you know what its a good thing as it did me good. All we did has in no way destroyed or changed our friendship I am thinking it actually made it that much stronger.

But now that my house is empty without the sarcastic and witty snips coming out of his mouth I feel so lost. It was never in the 6 years of knowing him my intent for this to happen and evenwhen it began I was very very resitent thinking it would only end in tears. In a way it did but not bad tears all good ones.
I am not so niave to believe that it would go anywhere. Firstly there is a entire ocean between us and secondly we are at completely different places in our lives. But he knows I am sure that I love him more then he can imagine and I would never stop and thats more then enough for me.

Leaving the airport gate yesterday was likely one of the hardest most heart wrenching things i had to do but you know what the key words are that I had to do it. I was ot a bubbling girl wailing. I had one break of very small tears pulled myself together and drove home. I drove home knowing I can be wanted and loved. I drove home knowing I had to change things in my life. I have to stop closing myself off to all possiblities.
So thank you Mase for teaching me that and so much more
Luv ya !