Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I have been Revamped People !
I've moved my blog to Wordpress. The new link is http://www.louisataylor.wordpress.com. This blog will self-destruct redirect in 5 seconds! Please update your links. See you on the other side all !!!!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Drivers in this Country Suck !
So today I was driving into work on my usual route. I have driven this road all my life. Due to the fact that I live out in the wilds of the country I have to take the main highway ( motorway for the English folk) into Edmonton. I have never really had a problem with this road, never been in ditch, never hit a deer or another car even …always a bonus not hitting other cars you know ( although i have hit a light post ...head on ).
So anyway this morning the roads were excellent conditions. There was minimal traffic. There was no ice. It was not snowing and there was no wind. Seriously for winter driving you could not ask for better conditions. Apperantely I was the only person who realised that these were good roads??? Firstly everyone was driving at least 30 km below the limit…IN THE GOD DAMN PASSING LANE ( Dammit that is my biggest pet peeve seriously i yell at these people as I drive by you know ! ) Everyone was on tenter-hooks for some reason. I have no idea why though. Greta the Golf and I were flyin.
Then it got worse….a lot worse. I drove out of one of the satalite towns, Spruce Grove, smack into mayhem. There were 6 yes 6!! cars in the ditch all lined up like neat little matches. Seriously I have no freakin idea how these fools ended up in the ditch. The roads were dry, there was no snow and for sure no black ice. Yet these idiots managed to get there vehicles in the ditch.
I miss British roads in such a big way. People move over when you crawl up there ass. People do not end up in ditches randomly AND the traffic reports rock!!! They are always right and up to date!! Over here they will say something like south bound Anthony Henday right lane accident stay left. When in actual fact it will be North bound left lane !!! So irritating.
Ok I am done now. My rant is finished …until the next fool pulls in front of me for no god damn reason other then they were clearly bored in the other lane and thought ” what the hell lets see if the other lane is less boring ..” FOOLS
So anyway this morning the roads were excellent conditions. There was minimal traffic. There was no ice. It was not snowing and there was no wind. Seriously for winter driving you could not ask for better conditions. Apperantely I was the only person who realised that these were good roads??? Firstly everyone was driving at least 30 km below the limit…IN THE GOD DAMN PASSING LANE ( Dammit that is my biggest pet peeve seriously i yell at these people as I drive by you know ! ) Everyone was on tenter-hooks for some reason. I have no idea why though. Greta the Golf and I were flyin.
Then it got worse….a lot worse. I drove out of one of the satalite towns, Spruce Grove, smack into mayhem. There were 6 yes 6!! cars in the ditch all lined up like neat little matches. Seriously I have no freakin idea how these fools ended up in the ditch. The roads were dry, there was no snow and for sure no black ice. Yet these idiots managed to get there vehicles in the ditch.
I miss British roads in such a big way. People move over when you crawl up there ass. People do not end up in ditches randomly AND the traffic reports rock!!! They are always right and up to date!! Over here they will say something like south bound Anthony Henday right lane accident stay left. When in actual fact it will be North bound left lane !!! So irritating.
Ok I am done now. My rant is finished …until the next fool pulls in front of me for no god damn reason other then they were clearly bored in the other lane and thought ” what the hell lets see if the other lane is less boring ..” FOOLS
I am Materialistic and Proud People
I am going to go on a bit of a rant today …just fore warning you all ok!
I am of the belief that wanting things for you, material things, is not being materialistic. For reasons unknown to me some people are of the belief that if you want these things you are someone of low moral standing or materialistic! I have sooo many issues with that.
If I want to live in the big house or uber cool condo or if I want to have the range rover and the state of the art gadgets does that make me a bad person?! I THINK BLOODY NOT PEOPLE!
They say that money does not buy you happiness and I agree with that however I am believe that it most certainly makes you happy. It makes you feel as though you have accomplished something in your life. It makes you self worth and self esteem rocket through the roof. In my eyes this is a good thing people.
So I am proud to admit I want those things. I want to be able to just go away for a weekend to Vegas or to San Francisco because I simply can afford to do that. I want to be able to go into a store and pick the nicest furniture not the furniture that I can afford but the furniture I want. I see no issue in being proud of excelling financially and materialistically. It does not make me a lesser person or someone of low moral standings. In fact it makes me an ambitious and self thriving self rewarding person and there is nothing wrong with that.
Do not get me wrong I do want the little things in life to make me happy. A book to read on a Saturday afternoon in the winter. Breakfast in bed on a Sunday from the guy I love. Curling up on the couch and vegetating for hours with that guy. These are things that do not cost money and make me happy. But of course knowing I am secure in my future that I am able to get what I want out of life helps in everyway to make me a sane high self esteemed girl.
So you know I take issue with people that look down upon others that make something for themselves, in my eyes it is a form of jealousy. Rather then being a jealous person why not spend your energy on striving for those things you want out of life rather then wasting the precious energy you have in down playing what others have done for themselves!
Rant done
I am of the belief that wanting things for you, material things, is not being materialistic. For reasons unknown to me some people are of the belief that if you want these things you are someone of low moral standing or materialistic! I have sooo many issues with that.
If I want to live in the big house or uber cool condo or if I want to have the range rover and the state of the art gadgets does that make me a bad person?! I THINK BLOODY NOT PEOPLE!
They say that money does not buy you happiness and I agree with that however I am believe that it most certainly makes you happy. It makes you feel as though you have accomplished something in your life. It makes you self worth and self esteem rocket through the roof. In my eyes this is a good thing people.
So I am proud to admit I want those things. I want to be able to just go away for a weekend to Vegas or to San Francisco because I simply can afford to do that. I want to be able to go into a store and pick the nicest furniture not the furniture that I can afford but the furniture I want. I see no issue in being proud of excelling financially and materialistically. It does not make me a lesser person or someone of low moral standings. In fact it makes me an ambitious and self thriving self rewarding person and there is nothing wrong with that.
Do not get me wrong I do want the little things in life to make me happy. A book to read on a Saturday afternoon in the winter. Breakfast in bed on a Sunday from the guy I love. Curling up on the couch and vegetating for hours with that guy. These are things that do not cost money and make me happy. But of course knowing I am secure in my future that I am able to get what I want out of life helps in everyway to make me a sane high self esteemed girl.
So you know I take issue with people that look down upon others that make something for themselves, in my eyes it is a form of jealousy. Rather then being a jealous person why not spend your energy on striving for those things you want out of life rather then wasting the precious energy you have in down playing what others have done for themselves!
Rant done
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Yes people The Lazy one Has Returned :-) I know yo Missed me ! ha !
Ok now for the big amazing spinning my world around news guys. I have finally got my self booked in for my plastic surgery. For those of you who do not know this is the back story to it all. I have spent 18 months of hard times and work losing weight. I need to make it clear that I was not doing this out of social pressures to be thin or to fit in. I was doing this for myself and for myself to be health, So my total weight loss currently stands at 110 pounds I have gone down from a size 24 to a size 18/16. I have lost untold inches everywhere and I am damn proud of myself as is my family and friends. So after all that I had let’s say “skin issues”??? So the only way to solve that and bring me down to my true size(12/14) was a tummy tuck. After 6 months of waiting for one of the best surgeons in Edmonton I got in. He took one look at me listened to my story and then promptly informed me I was a prime surgery candidate and that the results will be remarkable ! So I go under the knife on the 7th of May. I will be off work for 12 days and off riding duties and gym for 6 -7 weeks ( boohoo! ) I will have a scar from hip to hip on my bikini line and I will be in pain …but it is worth it. I do regret a few things though. I regret not having a boyfriend before hand. You are asking why now aren’t you ? It is very simple really, I wanted to be sure that whom ever I start dating is dating me for me not for the new thinner tighter ab’s covered me. I am worried I will only attract a guy who wants as stated before “ Barbie” or cheerleader” or “stupid” none of which I am people !!! I am of the mindset that if you cannot accept me for all my faults and flaws now then bugger it not worth my time. But you know that is how life rolls I guess and you just have to go with what is thrown you way.
So either way all my hard work has finally paid off and let me tell you when this is all done ….I AM SHOPPIN MY SKINNY ASS OFF PEOPLE !
I am now riding a stunning new mare that my friend Aron has lined up for me. I adore riding her and I think that this partnership is going to go a long way. We seem to suit one another and she challenges me which is what I need in a horse. I am now riding at very private and exclusive stables where she is living and where Aron is as well. I have to say I feel like a bit of an imposter when I am there and as though I am imposing on people. However this will vanish within time and I will get comfortable and settle in. Rode last night properly for the first time with Aron in YEARS ! It was like being 12 all over again and so strange. But best of all Aron gave me a mini lesson and I can safely say the girl ROCKS! She had me thinking about my seat about how I was asking the horse and making the horse move. In those short 20 minutes or so I learnt huge amounts So I cannot wait for a full lesson from her and to basically suck her knowledge in like a sponge ( I am very sponge like people just so you know ! )
So as said before I am off to Jasper for my first skiing of the season. I am super stoked for both the days of skiing and the crazy ass nights at Pete’s in Jasper and the Gallon of beer policies !! There will of course be a shed load of pics for you all !!
So either way all my hard work has finally paid off and let me tell you when this is all done ….I AM SHOPPIN MY SKINNY ASS OFF PEOPLE !
I am now riding a stunning new mare that my friend Aron has lined up for me. I adore riding her and I think that this partnership is going to go a long way. We seem to suit one another and she challenges me which is what I need in a horse. I am now riding at very private and exclusive stables where she is living and where Aron is as well. I have to say I feel like a bit of an imposter when I am there and as though I am imposing on people. However this will vanish within time and I will get comfortable and settle in. Rode last night properly for the first time with Aron in YEARS ! It was like being 12 all over again and so strange. But best of all Aron gave me a mini lesson and I can safely say the girl ROCKS! She had me thinking about my seat about how I was asking the horse and making the horse move. In those short 20 minutes or so I learnt huge amounts So I cannot wait for a full lesson from her and to basically suck her knowledge in like a sponge ( I am very sponge like people just so you know ! )
So as said before I am off to Jasper for my first skiing of the season. I am super stoked for both the days of skiing and the crazy ass nights at Pete’s in Jasper and the Gallon of beer policies !! There will of course be a shed load of pics for you all !!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Pay it Forward
I am a believer in the practice or idea of paying it forward. In case you are not aware of what “ paying it forward” means or you live under a rock …which some of you may do so I apologies for poking fun at your humble abode…I am sure it is lovely under that rock of yours, I will give you a brief explanation to the best of my ability.
Paying it forward is a simple concept really. Lets say someone does you a good deed such as puts money in your parking meter when you are about to run out of time and the parking ticket Nazis is on his way to nail a ticket to your windscreen. Some random stranger pumps your meter and has done you a good deed for the day ( hopefully he flipped the bird to the parking ticket Nazis as well ) So the next day you see someone struggling to cross the road with a insane amount of pages and things are dropping and it is basically a walking time bomb of tears. You offer to help them get across the road. That is paying it forward. Paying the good deed done to you onto others hence the term paying it forward.
I have always tried to do this normally it is on a smaller scale. So it’s not like I am giving away thousands of dollars or open charities to help people. Its little things like the above mentioned. It is something you do for free that feels just as good as buying that new pair of jeans or handbag or drink lol.
In my travels I had an enormous amount of kindness shown to me. This was never a pity style kindness or a charity case. It was just people willing to be kind towards me at that moment. Some of the clearest and most ingrain memories are the holidays. I was living in a country with no one around me for a few Christmases I was also single so I did not have that other person to lean on or rely on during the holidays. I spent one Christmas alone and can safely say it was the most suicidal depressing experience of my life. There is nothing worse then sitting in your flat alone getting pissed and eating a microwave dinner because all you can think is “ fuck this I am not cooking or celebrating” So when friends asked me to come to theirs one year it was actually hard to hold back the emotions at the enormity of my situation at that time. I had friends also entertain my very North American concept of Thanksgiving. They seemed to realize that this was important to me and that they needed to be there for me as friends and people who understood me and my need to have that thanksgiving that year.
So I have always wanted to “pay it forward” knowing how that situation feels. Waking up on Christmas morning to a silent house, no smell of food or the smell of Christmas. Waking up and knowing that for the rest of the day everyone around you would be laughing, eating crying, arguing and generally enjoying Christmas while you are effectively the sad bastard by yourself.
Paying it forward is not a pity thing this needs to be made clear to all. Paying it forward is not something that is asked for. It is something that is done out of kindness and from the heart. It is not done with the intent that it has to be done back to you at one point. It is not done to make the other person feel as though they are in debt to you. It is simply done for the kind act and good deed that it is and that is all.
So this year why don’t you try and pay it forward people. Find the littlest thing and just do it. Make that effort and do you’re paying it forward for the day, month or even year. It is the time of year that things like this should come as second nature to you all.
So yes everyone …go and …PAY IT FORWARD PLEASE
Paying it forward is a simple concept really. Lets say someone does you a good deed such as puts money in your parking meter when you are about to run out of time and the parking ticket Nazis is on his way to nail a ticket to your windscreen. Some random stranger pumps your meter and has done you a good deed for the day ( hopefully he flipped the bird to the parking ticket Nazis as well ) So the next day you see someone struggling to cross the road with a insane amount of pages and things are dropping and it is basically a walking time bomb of tears. You offer to help them get across the road. That is paying it forward. Paying the good deed done to you onto others hence the term paying it forward.
I have always tried to do this normally it is on a smaller scale. So it’s not like I am giving away thousands of dollars or open charities to help people. Its little things like the above mentioned. It is something you do for free that feels just as good as buying that new pair of jeans or handbag or drink lol.
In my travels I had an enormous amount of kindness shown to me. This was never a pity style kindness or a charity case. It was just people willing to be kind towards me at that moment. Some of the clearest and most ingrain memories are the holidays. I was living in a country with no one around me for a few Christmases I was also single so I did not have that other person to lean on or rely on during the holidays. I spent one Christmas alone and can safely say it was the most suicidal depressing experience of my life. There is nothing worse then sitting in your flat alone getting pissed and eating a microwave dinner because all you can think is “ fuck this I am not cooking or celebrating” So when friends asked me to come to theirs one year it was actually hard to hold back the emotions at the enormity of my situation at that time. I had friends also entertain my very North American concept of Thanksgiving. They seemed to realize that this was important to me and that they needed to be there for me as friends and people who understood me and my need to have that thanksgiving that year.
So I have always wanted to “pay it forward” knowing how that situation feels. Waking up on Christmas morning to a silent house, no smell of food or the smell of Christmas. Waking up and knowing that for the rest of the day everyone around you would be laughing, eating crying, arguing and generally enjoying Christmas while you are effectively the sad bastard by yourself.
Paying it forward is not a pity thing this needs to be made clear to all. Paying it forward is not something that is asked for. It is something that is done out of kindness and from the heart. It is not done with the intent that it has to be done back to you at one point. It is not done to make the other person feel as though they are in debt to you. It is simply done for the kind act and good deed that it is and that is all.
So this year why don’t you try and pay it forward people. Find the littlest thing and just do it. Make that effort and do you’re paying it forward for the day, month or even year. It is the time of year that things like this should come as second nature to you all.
So yes everyone …go and …PAY IT FORWARD PLEASE
Friday, December 14, 2007
Just Have a Little Patience
I have written a fair amount about my current single state and my lack of relationship. I know some may get bored of it but its my blog and as stated before this is what I believe sites like these are for. They are your sounding board. They are the place where you get things off your chest you just do it to the rest of the world. Doing it to the rest of the world can actually be somewhat comforting you know, knowing anonymous people are reading about your problems and potentially identifying with them as well.
You know as much as I profess to it not being a bad thing being single it is at some times. I do not handle single well you know. It’s a unfamiliar feeling for me. I have always been part of a pair for at least the last 10 years and so when you go through a stage of not being a part of that “pair” you begin to doubt yourself which is never fun.
However some of my closest friends have consitantly told me that it will happen and not to work myself up over it. But the one word that resonates most is the word PATIENCE.
I am told by close and old friends that patience is what I need and that things happen when they need to and for a reason. Mason said to me the other month that you have to go through a bag full of shitheads before you find that one that is not a ass and is what you want. You know what he is right.
I seem to attract 2 kinds of men,. Either the girly boys or the bad boys. Seriously there is no in between. I can’t handle the girly men I am thinking I do not need to explain that. As for the bad boys…I admit I like them but they are never a good thing. I want that in between boy. A guy who is a “guy” who knows that he is meant to be a man but at the same time has that sensitive side that appears on occasion. I like commanding men and you know they are so hard to find these days.
So I will go with what friends like Aron and Mason say and that is patience. I will have patience and wait to see what rolls my way.
Lyrics from a song that sums it all up right now. Take That “Patience”
Just have a little patience
You know as much as I profess to it not being a bad thing being single it is at some times. I do not handle single well you know. It’s a unfamiliar feeling for me. I have always been part of a pair for at least the last 10 years and so when you go through a stage of not being a part of that “pair” you begin to doubt yourself which is never fun.
However some of my closest friends have consitantly told me that it will happen and not to work myself up over it. But the one word that resonates most is the word PATIENCE.
I am told by close and old friends that patience is what I need and that things happen when they need to and for a reason. Mason said to me the other month that you have to go through a bag full of shitheads before you find that one that is not a ass and is what you want. You know what he is right.
I seem to attract 2 kinds of men,. Either the girly boys or the bad boys. Seriously there is no in between. I can’t handle the girly men I am thinking I do not need to explain that. As for the bad boys…I admit I like them but they are never a good thing. I want that in between boy. A guy who is a “guy” who knows that he is meant to be a man but at the same time has that sensitive side that appears on occasion. I like commanding men and you know they are so hard to find these days.
So I will go with what friends like Aron and Mason say and that is patience. I will have patience and wait to see what rolls my way.
Lyrics from a song that sums it all up right now. Take That “Patience”
Just have a little patience
I'm still hurting from a love I lost,I'm feeling your frustration,That any minute all the pain will stop,Just hold, me close, inside your arms, tonight,don't be too hard on my emotions,
'Cause I, need time.My heart is numb, has no feeling.So while I'm still healing,Just try, and have a little patience
I really want to start over again,I know you wanna be my salvation.The one that I could always depend,
I'll try to be strong believe me,I'm trying to move on,It's complicated but understand me.
'Cause I, need time,My heart is numb has no feeling,So while I'm still healing,Just try, and have a little patience,have a little patience,
'Cause the scars run so deep,It's been hardBut I have to believe.
Have a little patience,
Have a little patience,
Woah, Cause I, I just need time,My heart is numb has no feeling,So while I'm still healing,just try, and have a little patience,have a little patience,
My heart is numb, has no feeling,So while I'm still healing,just try, and have a little... Patience
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
I Miss British Men
God I really miss English Men!!! You cannot comprehend how much I miss them. See the creatures that are English men and the creatures that are Canadian Men are 2 very very different species.
They are so different it is scary. It makes a girls head spin endlessly with self doubt. So I will try and explain the difference between the 2 creatures and let me tell you they are complete opposites.
Canadian Men
They are such self involved men. I find that they think of themselves as more then they are. It’s almost as if they have airs above their stations. They believe themselves to be god’s gift to all and sundry.
Canadian men appear to only want 3 types of women either invidually or combined: The stick insect (she lives of lettuce leaves and only that…maybe water if she is lucky). The Barbie doll cheerleader. They effectively bounce around a whole lot generally not very smart. Although they are thin they have big knockers and a giant ass…Canadian men seem to appreciate this for some reason. Finally the fake not remotely real girl. These girls are also bitches to be honest. They always seem to be in uber bitch mode and have perfect hair.
Heaven forbid that a Canadian man wants a real woman. Or women who will challenge them or make them think…oh yes to be able to think guys! They do not want a woman who is real and laughs from the belly, will eat a hamburger because it simply looks damn good!
The other big difference is as follows. Canadian men do not look after themselves. They generally have some of the worst dress sense on the face of the earth. By this I mean flannel shirts and white socks with dress pants…YES I AM SERIOUS. They may get a decent haircut once every 6 months for if they go every month or 2 months they fear they may be thought of as “gay” yep very gay…give me a break.
But most of all I find them judgmental. This one really irks me. I am not one to blow a guy out upon first meeting them I am someone who will give them a chance. Maybe that’s the idealist within me?? I do not know
British Men
They do have faults before I start but they are so minor in comparison to Canadian men.
First of all a British guy as far as I am concerned cannot be bothered with stupid women. They really can’t. They seem to pick the more intelligent women out there and that rocks as far as I am concerned.
British men tend not to like the skinny girls of the world. They appear to love a woman who has some substance to her. They like something to hold onto I guess?
British men make laugh endlessly. They are damn funny people. They are self deprecating and sarcastic. They know exactly what button to push with me to make me giggle a proper giggle.
British men DO look after themselves. The myth that they all have bad hair, bad teeth and bad glasses is so very wrong. British men go to the hairdresser regularly. They wear the coolest sexiest cloths. Some even get manicures…no this is not gay! I personally would like a guy who touches me to have good hands people is that not to much to ask?
They spend time buying great cloths that SUIT them.
But most of all as far as my experiences have been up until now compared to Canadian men British men know how to love. They seem to be able to express themselves so much better. They do not wait for a girl to make the move before they do. They just tend throw it out there.
So yep there it is I prefer British men. Now do not get me wrong there is likely a Canadian guy out there who will turn my opinion. A guy who will turn my head and make me pay attention to them. I just wish they would kind of appear now because currently they are not doing a very damn good job you know!
They are so different it is scary. It makes a girls head spin endlessly with self doubt. So I will try and explain the difference between the 2 creatures and let me tell you they are complete opposites.
Canadian Men
They are such self involved men. I find that they think of themselves as more then they are. It’s almost as if they have airs above their stations. They believe themselves to be god’s gift to all and sundry.
Canadian men appear to only want 3 types of women either invidually or combined: The stick insect (she lives of lettuce leaves and only that…maybe water if she is lucky). The Barbie doll cheerleader. They effectively bounce around a whole lot generally not very smart. Although they are thin they have big knockers and a giant ass…Canadian men seem to appreciate this for some reason. Finally the fake not remotely real girl. These girls are also bitches to be honest. They always seem to be in uber bitch mode and have perfect hair.
Heaven forbid that a Canadian man wants a real woman. Or women who will challenge them or make them think…oh yes to be able to think guys! They do not want a woman who is real and laughs from the belly, will eat a hamburger because it simply looks damn good!
The other big difference is as follows. Canadian men do not look after themselves. They generally have some of the worst dress sense on the face of the earth. By this I mean flannel shirts and white socks with dress pants…YES I AM SERIOUS. They may get a decent haircut once every 6 months for if they go every month or 2 months they fear they may be thought of as “gay” yep very gay…give me a break.
But most of all I find them judgmental. This one really irks me. I am not one to blow a guy out upon first meeting them I am someone who will give them a chance. Maybe that’s the idealist within me?? I do not know
British Men
They do have faults before I start but they are so minor in comparison to Canadian men.
First of all a British guy as far as I am concerned cannot be bothered with stupid women. They really can’t. They seem to pick the more intelligent women out there and that rocks as far as I am concerned.
British men tend not to like the skinny girls of the world. They appear to love a woman who has some substance to her. They like something to hold onto I guess?
British men make laugh endlessly. They are damn funny people. They are self deprecating and sarcastic. They know exactly what button to push with me to make me giggle a proper giggle.
British men DO look after themselves. The myth that they all have bad hair, bad teeth and bad glasses is so very wrong. British men go to the hairdresser regularly. They wear the coolest sexiest cloths. Some even get manicures…no this is not gay! I personally would like a guy who touches me to have good hands people is that not to much to ask?
They spend time buying great cloths that SUIT them.
But most of all as far as my experiences have been up until now compared to Canadian men British men know how to love. They seem to be able to express themselves so much better. They do not wait for a girl to make the move before they do. They just tend throw it out there.
So yep there it is I prefer British men. Now do not get me wrong there is likely a Canadian guy out there who will turn my opinion. A guy who will turn my head and make me pay attention to them. I just wish they would kind of appear now because currently they are not doing a very damn good job you know!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Defining True Friendship
Friendship is defined so differently by each individual. I do believe that some people have what is a warped version of friendship. They believe it as a status symbol if they are friends with a certain person. They believe it good to be friends with a rich person or a powerful person. To me this is a warped and strange version of friendship.
I have always had “friends” who I class as fair weather friends. Then I have my true and deep friends and there are not many of them. This is not because no one wants to be friends with me this is because I choose a select few to spend my time and energy on. I chose a small group so I can spend MORE time with them rather then having vast amounts of friends and spreading myself thin.
My friends mean the world to me. They are my backbone and my reality check. Friends like Aron remind me to have fun all the time and she reminds me I am of value and worth something. Friends like Mason remind me I am beautiful and needed all the time. These are true friends.
These are a few things that I believe describe true friendship in my eyes:
A true friend will catch me when I fall
A true friend will accept me for me and my faults and flaws and will celebrate those with me.
I can call a true friend when I am heartbroken and babble endlessly and although I may feel a fool that friend will never let me believe I am a fool.
To me a true friend is someone I would trust my deepest and darkest secrets with. Being safe in the knowledge that those secrets are in the vaults for a life time and will never escape.
A true friend is someone I would trust my life and my heart with.
True friends will tell you the hard cold and honest truth. At the time it may appear to be painful and hurtful but that is never the intent. The intent of that friend is to remind you of whom you are and where you are going astray. Only a friend can do this best.
A true friend is someone you make a godparent to your child not because they are just a true friend but because the0y are the type of person who has the right character traits to guide your child through life.
True friends will tell you that you are a beautiful person and when they tell you that you know it is true and honest.
True friends are there for you when there is catastrophe and when there is endless pain
A true friend is there when there is nothing but pure joy in your life.
The list could be endless but rest assured that my true friends fit every single one of those descriptions and even more. I would do anything for my friends. If had all the money in the world I would take them on the biggest most incredibly fun and insane world trip just because it would be FUN!!
I know that I am so fortunate to have the friends I have. I know that there are people out there who are not as lucky as me and are missing out on the incredible feeling of true and steady friendship
This is what I have true and steady friendship. The love of a good friend is so very hard to describe I just know that I have that love everyday
I have always had “friends” who I class as fair weather friends. Then I have my true and deep friends and there are not many of them. This is not because no one wants to be friends with me this is because I choose a select few to spend my time and energy on. I chose a small group so I can spend MORE time with them rather then having vast amounts of friends and spreading myself thin.
My friends mean the world to me. They are my backbone and my reality check. Friends like Aron remind me to have fun all the time and she reminds me I am of value and worth something. Friends like Mason remind me I am beautiful and needed all the time. These are true friends.
These are a few things that I believe describe true friendship in my eyes:
A true friend will catch me when I fall
A true friend will accept me for me and my faults and flaws and will celebrate those with me.
I can call a true friend when I am heartbroken and babble endlessly and although I may feel a fool that friend will never let me believe I am a fool.
To me a true friend is someone I would trust my deepest and darkest secrets with. Being safe in the knowledge that those secrets are in the vaults for a life time and will never escape.
A true friend is someone I would trust my life and my heart with.
True friends will tell you the hard cold and honest truth. At the time it may appear to be painful and hurtful but that is never the intent. The intent of that friend is to remind you of whom you are and where you are going astray. Only a friend can do this best.
A true friend is someone you make a godparent to your child not because they are just a true friend but because the0y are the type of person who has the right character traits to guide your child through life.
True friends will tell you that you are a beautiful person and when they tell you that you know it is true and honest.
True friends are there for you when there is catastrophe and when there is endless pain
A true friend is there when there is nothing but pure joy in your life.
The list could be endless but rest assured that my true friends fit every single one of those descriptions and even more. I would do anything for my friends. If had all the money in the world I would take them on the biggest most incredibly fun and insane world trip just because it would be FUN!!
I know that I am so fortunate to have the friends I have. I know that there are people out there who are not as lucky as me and are missing out on the incredible feeling of true and steady friendship
This is what I have true and steady friendship. The love of a good friend is so very hard to describe I just know that I have that love everyday
Thursday, November 15, 2007
What is Happiness to You ?
What is happiness mean to you? By that I mean how do you define happiness in your life?
I have always thought of happiness as a very subjective thing. Everyone has a different version or meaning of happiness. I would like to think I have a very straightforward version of happiness.
To me happiness is actually a very simple thing that most people seem not to be able to achieve, including myself.
Happiness in my definition is as follows. It is the feeling of being wanted and needed. It is knowing someone else craves or needs to be in your presence. If someone has that desire then that means you have the ability to make them happy. Making someone happy is a sure fire way to being happy yourself, it’s like a good deed turned.
It is the feeling of relaxation. Relaxing is a hard thing to do and when you figure out how to do it properly I think you can be super happy. I am a person that actually finds it very hard to relax or “shut off” I am constantly turned on. I am go go go all the time. So when I manage to switch off and just chill out it is unreal, it is a state of happiness that is very hard to describe! All I know is when I relax I am happy.
Although I hate to admit it money does play a factor in happiness. If you can live your life without the worry of financial issues then you are less stressed which equates to being happier. However money does not buy happiness, it does not by love or friendship and love and friendship are keys to happiness.
Living in the country makes me so happy. I grew up there it is where I belong. I do love the city and all it has to offer. However nothing beats a winter night, a fire place, glass of wine and ….silence. Pure uninterrupted …silence. It is pure bliss for me. Being able to ride through gigantic fields whenever I wish with the horses is happiness. Riding is likely the ultimate feeling of freedom for me and that is a pure state of happiness as far as I am concerned
The biggest thing though for me that makes me happy is being in a relationship. I flourish when I am in a relationship. My sense of self worth increases. My self esteem is boosted. I feel needed and wanted. I feel beautiful and stunning. All of these things make me happy beyond words. I fall asleep at night with a grin on my face when I am happy
So happiness as I said is all subjective. To one person it is being able to buy what ever you want to another person it is the ability to smile on a daily basis. Happiness is a very individual and unique thing to acquire and I think once you can find that happiness you can almost always stay happy. It’s all in the mind as far as I am concerned. If you are able to keep your self happy internally you will always show that happiness on the outside to others
I have always thought of happiness as a very subjective thing. Everyone has a different version or meaning of happiness. I would like to think I have a very straightforward version of happiness.
To me happiness is actually a very simple thing that most people seem not to be able to achieve, including myself.
Happiness in my definition is as follows. It is the feeling of being wanted and needed. It is knowing someone else craves or needs to be in your presence. If someone has that desire then that means you have the ability to make them happy. Making someone happy is a sure fire way to being happy yourself, it’s like a good deed turned.
It is the feeling of relaxation. Relaxing is a hard thing to do and when you figure out how to do it properly I think you can be super happy. I am a person that actually finds it very hard to relax or “shut off” I am constantly turned on. I am go go go all the time. So when I manage to switch off and just chill out it is unreal, it is a state of happiness that is very hard to describe! All I know is when I relax I am happy.
Although I hate to admit it money does play a factor in happiness. If you can live your life without the worry of financial issues then you are less stressed which equates to being happier. However money does not buy happiness, it does not by love or friendship and love and friendship are keys to happiness.
Living in the country makes me so happy. I grew up there it is where I belong. I do love the city and all it has to offer. However nothing beats a winter night, a fire place, glass of wine and ….silence. Pure uninterrupted …silence. It is pure bliss for me. Being able to ride through gigantic fields whenever I wish with the horses is happiness. Riding is likely the ultimate feeling of freedom for me and that is a pure state of happiness as far as I am concerned
The biggest thing though for me that makes me happy is being in a relationship. I flourish when I am in a relationship. My sense of self worth increases. My self esteem is boosted. I feel needed and wanted. I feel beautiful and stunning. All of these things make me happy beyond words. I fall asleep at night with a grin on my face when I am happy
So happiness as I said is all subjective. To one person it is being able to buy what ever you want to another person it is the ability to smile on a daily basis. Happiness is a very individual and unique thing to acquire and I think once you can find that happiness you can almost always stay happy. It’s all in the mind as far as I am concerned. If you are able to keep your self happy internally you will always show that happiness on the outside to others
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Come out of Your Music Comfort Zone !
I have been writing a lot about music of late. This would be due to the Ipod touch otherwise known as gods gift, being fused to my palm.
I grew up with a love of music. I had parents who were music lovers and passed that on to their kids. I would like to think that we all have very good taste in music and a reasonable idea of what is quality music and what is “fluff” music. Do not get me wrong I always love a little bit of mindless fluff once and a while.
I had a Dad who adored Pink Floyd and all the great Jazz players. I had a Mum who loved Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones. So we grew up with a great appreciation of what I call “Real” Music. I remember as a child watching my Mum on a Sunday afternoon in the dead of winter shimmying her way across the kitchen to Dylan and Dad turning up the Jazz to unbelievable levels to his undeniable lack of hearing! lol
Even now Mum will still put Dylan on and we will all know the words. I will be honest when I say I do not know many people my age let alone my younger brother’s age that know most of Dylan’s songs and appreciate them for the incredibly meaningful songs and lyrics that they are.
So yes I have been on a music kick!! Currently I have a small obsession with a few albums in particular with thanks to my friend Allen downloading them onto my god’s gift ( ipod touch )
Punk Goes Acoustic
I am so feeling this album and punk goes acoustic 2 as well. I do like some punk music but it is something I can only tolerate in small doses due to the fact that half the time I can’t hear a damn word that they are saying. So when I listen to the acoustic album I hear it all and realize how good some of the songs are.
Particular Favorite right now is “Memory” by Sugarcult. I love the tone and pitch of his voice. I get the feeling and meaning behind this song. It is a snappy and good song love it .
I also love Punk Goes 80’s and one song in particular. Video killed the Radio Star . I have always loved this song before hearing this version and now I am completely hooked on it with this version! It is one of the best “remakes” of a song I have ever heard.
Another group I have been introduced to thanks to my bro and Allen is Secondhand Serenade. I will be honest I had never heard of them before they were put on the Ipod and now I cannot stop hearing them enough. Again they are songs with stories. I am someone who needs to find a story or a meaning in the music that I listen to. If I do not find that then I begin to think it is rather pointless assaulting my eardrums with meaningless shit.
This album “Awake” is one big story. Favorite track is “I hate this Song” yes it is a slightly melancholy and can be somewhat sad but who cares it’s a song with a purpose and that’s all I need. Other mentionable tracks are the title song Awake and Take me with You.
So yes I am slightly deafer then I was last month. I am expanding my musical taste from what is familiar and comfortable to me and I am having fun doing it.
I say to everyone along with buying the current and up to date albums you need to go out and buy the classics and the godfathers of music. The Pink Floyds and the Bob Dylan’s. You need to see where good music came from before you are able to weed through the Fluff of modern day music. Listening to Dylan and Floyd will make you appreciate all the more the bands that are currently making the effort to be real musicians and artists.
I also recommend everyone comes out of there “music comfort zone” and buy an album they have never heard of or would never usually buy. It might surprise you how much music you are missing out there that is not mainstream and top 40
I grew up with a love of music. I had parents who were music lovers and passed that on to their kids. I would like to think that we all have very good taste in music and a reasonable idea of what is quality music and what is “fluff” music. Do not get me wrong I always love a little bit of mindless fluff once and a while.
I had a Dad who adored Pink Floyd and all the great Jazz players. I had a Mum who loved Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones. So we grew up with a great appreciation of what I call “Real” Music. I remember as a child watching my Mum on a Sunday afternoon in the dead of winter shimmying her way across the kitchen to Dylan and Dad turning up the Jazz to unbelievable levels to his undeniable lack of hearing! lol
Even now Mum will still put Dylan on and we will all know the words. I will be honest when I say I do not know many people my age let alone my younger brother’s age that know most of Dylan’s songs and appreciate them for the incredibly meaningful songs and lyrics that they are.
So yes I have been on a music kick!! Currently I have a small obsession with a few albums in particular with thanks to my friend Allen downloading them onto my god’s gift ( ipod touch )
Punk Goes Acoustic
I am so feeling this album and punk goes acoustic 2 as well. I do like some punk music but it is something I can only tolerate in small doses due to the fact that half the time I can’t hear a damn word that they are saying. So when I listen to the acoustic album I hear it all and realize how good some of the songs are.
Particular Favorite right now is “Memory” by Sugarcult. I love the tone and pitch of his voice. I get the feeling and meaning behind this song. It is a snappy and good song love it .
I also love Punk Goes 80’s and one song in particular. Video killed the Radio Star . I have always loved this song before hearing this version and now I am completely hooked on it with this version! It is one of the best “remakes” of a song I have ever heard.
Another group I have been introduced to thanks to my bro and Allen is Secondhand Serenade. I will be honest I had never heard of them before they were put on the Ipod and now I cannot stop hearing them enough. Again they are songs with stories. I am someone who needs to find a story or a meaning in the music that I listen to. If I do not find that then I begin to think it is rather pointless assaulting my eardrums with meaningless shit.
This album “Awake” is one big story. Favorite track is “I hate this Song” yes it is a slightly melancholy and can be somewhat sad but who cares it’s a song with a purpose and that’s all I need. Other mentionable tracks are the title song Awake and Take me with You.
So yes I am slightly deafer then I was last month. I am expanding my musical taste from what is familiar and comfortable to me and I am having fun doing it.
I say to everyone along with buying the current and up to date albums you need to go out and buy the classics and the godfathers of music. The Pink Floyds and the Bob Dylan’s. You need to see where good music came from before you are able to weed through the Fluff of modern day music. Listening to Dylan and Floyd will make you appreciate all the more the bands that are currently making the effort to be real musicians and artists.
I also recommend everyone comes out of there “music comfort zone” and buy an album they have never heard of or would never usually buy. It might surprise you how much music you are missing out there that is not mainstream and top 40
Monday, November 12, 2007
A Chance to Feel Greatness
Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in such a long long time and it is completely down to best friend Aron.
I was given the best honor ever of being allowed to ride her amazing horse Ike. Some of you may be thinking “It is just a horse and it is really not that big a deal” This is not just a horse everyone.
This is an athlete, a fine tuned machine. He is the most stunning and expensive horse I have ever ridden in my life.
Ike is a Friesian breed. They are one of the oldest and most baroque breeds of horses. They are tall and majestic in style and appearance. Ike fits this description to perfection.
He is one of the best trained horses I have ever known in my life. This is down to the dedication and immense skill of Aron and her late and very dear trainer Nadeem. So when she asked me if I wanted to ride Ike I will fully admit my first gut reaction was to yell “UH NO CHANCE!! I am so not good enough to ride him lol “But she was instant and wanted to see how I would bond and react with Ike for any future help she may need with him. I decided ok she trusts me enough so you may as well go for it!! It’s a once and a lifetime chance to do this!
Well when the time came to get on Ike after Aron had finished riding him I was to put it bluntly …shitting myself! I tend not to get nervous around horses they are like an extension of who I am and my make up. However with Ike I just knew it was a different ball game.
Any fear I had vanished the minute I sat down properly and had the reins in my hands. All I can say for a description of what riding Ike is like is …poetry in motion. The is a fluid and forward movement that to some may be terrifying but to me excites and exhilarates me. It felt incredible. He is a credit to Aron and Nadeem and the hours and years of hard work they have put into the boy.
So as I said it was simply one of my best moments. It has to be top 5 at least. I cannot wait for the opportunity to do it again.
Even more then being able to ride was the huge and unfathomable compliment Aron has paid me for simply allowing me to ride her magnificent beast. For anyone who knows when you have a horse like that you do not mess around with it. You do not risk habits being taught to them. You do not risk him or rider being hurt, you simply do not risk. So for her to let me on was the confidence boost I needed to remind myself that yes indeed I am a good rider and that I need to remind myself of that daily from now on
Thank you again to both Aron and Ike
I was given the best honor ever of being allowed to ride her amazing horse Ike. Some of you may be thinking “It is just a horse and it is really not that big a deal” This is not just a horse everyone.
This is an athlete, a fine tuned machine. He is the most stunning and expensive horse I have ever ridden in my life.
Ike is a Friesian breed. They are one of the oldest and most baroque breeds of horses. They are tall and majestic in style and appearance. Ike fits this description to perfection.
He is one of the best trained horses I have ever known in my life. This is down to the dedication and immense skill of Aron and her late and very dear trainer Nadeem. So when she asked me if I wanted to ride Ike I will fully admit my first gut reaction was to yell “UH NO CHANCE!! I am so not good enough to ride him lol “But she was instant and wanted to see how I would bond and react with Ike for any future help she may need with him. I decided ok she trusts me enough so you may as well go for it!! It’s a once and a lifetime chance to do this!
Well when the time came to get on Ike after Aron had finished riding him I was to put it bluntly …shitting myself! I tend not to get nervous around horses they are like an extension of who I am and my make up. However with Ike I just knew it was a different ball game.
Any fear I had vanished the minute I sat down properly and had the reins in my hands. All I can say for a description of what riding Ike is like is …poetry in motion. The is a fluid and forward movement that to some may be terrifying but to me excites and exhilarates me. It felt incredible. He is a credit to Aron and Nadeem and the hours and years of hard work they have put into the boy.
So as I said it was simply one of my best moments. It has to be top 5 at least. I cannot wait for the opportunity to do it again.
Even more then being able to ride was the huge and unfathomable compliment Aron has paid me for simply allowing me to ride her magnificent beast. For anyone who knows when you have a horse like that you do not mess around with it. You do not risk habits being taught to them. You do not risk him or rider being hurt, you simply do not risk. So for her to let me on was the confidence boost I needed to remind myself that yes indeed I am a good rider and that I need to remind myself of that daily from now on
Thank you again to both Aron and Ike
Friday, November 09, 2007
Being Selfish Should Be a Art Form You Know
They always say that being selfish is a bad thing. Society manages to make you feel guilty for being selfish. It is considered socially unacceptable to be such a thing.
If a mother is at the end of her rope with a toddler or new born and she wants "me" time or she wants to go off by herself, she is considered selfish for wishing to do so. I believe in that situation it is the complete opposite. She is doing the right thing in the fact that she is re grouping herself. She is calming herself down so she can be the best mother she can be. Yet society deems her to be a selfish self interested mother.
I wife decides she wants to go out and do her thing instead of catering to a husband and his needs and society deems this to be selfish??? ....
All of this makes no sense to me. I will admit though sub consciously I have bowed to societies ideas of what is social unacceptable in the selfishness department.
I am the type of person that will continually put the needs of others before myself. I do it because I am a nice person. I have this unwavering belief that karma will eventually bite you back in the ass really hard. I believe in the phrase no good deed goes unturned. But recent events have made me realize that maybe I should be selfish ....
Someone I "like" basically has to make a decision between me and something else ( here comes that whole anonymous thing mentioned in the below post again lol) so I cannot mention the something else out of respect but be safe in the knowledge that the something else is a very big thing people.
I have done the Louisa response of " you have to look after yourself and do the right thing, and I support you"
Wellllll for the first time in a very very long time I completely regretted what I was saying. Inside I was screaming PICK ME PICK ME !! ( like I am a nose or something lol ) I just recoiled in fear inside at the thought that I would not be first to be picked. I panicked that I was losing something that potentially could be very very good and amazing.
I hate this feeling. Its like the old tug of war between right and wrong. Do I unselfishly fully offer my support. Do I attempt not sway the decision in my way do I be the "nice" person I have always been ....nice does not necessarily always work though.
Or do I be something so very foreign and against my nature and grain. Do I become a selfish person and pray I am picked or sway the decision somehow that I am picked? Being selfish is a foreign concept to me. Its something a lot of people have no issue being but for me it is not in my nature it is not something I can do naturally or with ease. But you know maybe this is the time that I do throw myself out of my "nice" comfort zone and take a chance.
Hmmm right my ramble is complete I am no closer to being clear minded or having a clear thought pattern if anything I have now made it worse dammit !! lol
If a mother is at the end of her rope with a toddler or new born and she wants "me" time or she wants to go off by herself, she is considered selfish for wishing to do so. I believe in that situation it is the complete opposite. She is doing the right thing in the fact that she is re grouping herself. She is calming herself down so she can be the best mother she can be. Yet society deems her to be a selfish self interested mother.
I wife decides she wants to go out and do her thing instead of catering to a husband and his needs and society deems this to be selfish??? ....
All of this makes no sense to me. I will admit though sub consciously I have bowed to societies ideas of what is social unacceptable in the selfishness department.
I am the type of person that will continually put the needs of others before myself. I do it because I am a nice person. I have this unwavering belief that karma will eventually bite you back in the ass really hard. I believe in the phrase no good deed goes unturned. But recent events have made me realize that maybe I should be selfish ....
Someone I "like" basically has to make a decision between me and something else ( here comes that whole anonymous thing mentioned in the below post again lol) so I cannot mention the something else out of respect but be safe in the knowledge that the something else is a very big thing people.
I have done the Louisa response of " you have to look after yourself and do the right thing, and I support you"
Wellllll for the first time in a very very long time I completely regretted what I was saying. Inside I was screaming PICK ME PICK ME !! ( like I am a nose or something lol ) I just recoiled in fear inside at the thought that I would not be first to be picked. I panicked that I was losing something that potentially could be very very good and amazing.
I hate this feeling. Its like the old tug of war between right and wrong. Do I unselfishly fully offer my support. Do I attempt not sway the decision in my way do I be the "nice" person I have always been ....nice does not necessarily always work though.
Or do I be something so very foreign and against my nature and grain. Do I become a selfish person and pray I am picked or sway the decision somehow that I am picked? Being selfish is a foreign concept to me. Its something a lot of people have no issue being but for me it is not in my nature it is not something I can do naturally or with ease. But you know maybe this is the time that I do throw myself out of my "nice" comfort zone and take a chance.
Hmmm right my ramble is complete I am no closer to being clear minded or having a clear thought pattern if anything I have now made it worse dammit !! lol
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Just When I Thought.....
Its always hard to write about things in a anonymous way for me. I am such a personal person that I can't do the "hypothetical friend" sotries or the "what if" stories or the " I have a a friend of a friend" stories very well. So I will try my hardest to make this entry as anonymous as possible.
You know just when I thought or started to believe things were rolling my way ...bang brick wall. It took a huge amount of courage I suppose for me to throw myself back into the dating world. I, as written previously, have major brick walls that take a aweful lot to tear down. I have them up for so many reasons I cannot even begin to explain on here as they are that personal and most people do not know about them not even most of my best friends. So suffice to say for me to let even one of those walls down takes a huge amount out of me both emotionally and mentally.
When I am told that things may not happen the way I was hoping then I tend to feel slightly disgarded. This is completely not the other persons fault it has to be said. This is something so beyond and out of their control that I am actually very understanding about it and what ever decsions are made make complete sense to me even before they are made.
However the minute I realised that things were not going to go the way I had wished that brick wall slowly or even rapidly started re-building itself! I have finally felt comfortable with someone else for the first time in a long long time. I have finally let myself go a little enjoyed myself and well had fun and its sort of back fired on me.
Do I have some sort of seek and destroy beacon attached to my body. Do I have some sort of sign that god has pinned on me like the tail on a donkey that says " get her gaurd down boys and then watch the fun commence" lol Seriously I laugh but really I am not laughing out of fun or hilarity I am laughing at the joke that seems to be becoming my relationship life. In fact as I type this i have my head slightly turned so all the macho welders cannot see the tear that insists on welling up in my eye ! damn tear lol
I think that what really gets me is this was not a serious thing yet in anyway there were things still nit picking at me that I was trying to figure out. However clearly it meant more then I may have at first thought
So its is potentially back to square 1 for me yet again. You know what I am not sure I can go through the hassle of trying to get to square 2 3 and 4 again. It is so much effort for me to get there and feel safe there. I was getting there or at least to square 2 and yes I did feel safe.
You know just when I thought or started to believe things were rolling my way ...bang brick wall. It took a huge amount of courage I suppose for me to throw myself back into the dating world. I, as written previously, have major brick walls that take a aweful lot to tear down. I have them up for so many reasons I cannot even begin to explain on here as they are that personal and most people do not know about them not even most of my best friends. So suffice to say for me to let even one of those walls down takes a huge amount out of me both emotionally and mentally.
When I am told that things may not happen the way I was hoping then I tend to feel slightly disgarded. This is completely not the other persons fault it has to be said. This is something so beyond and out of their control that I am actually very understanding about it and what ever decsions are made make complete sense to me even before they are made.
However the minute I realised that things were not going to go the way I had wished that brick wall slowly or even rapidly started re-building itself! I have finally felt comfortable with someone else for the first time in a long long time. I have finally let myself go a little enjoyed myself and well had fun and its sort of back fired on me.
Do I have some sort of seek and destroy beacon attached to my body. Do I have some sort of sign that god has pinned on me like the tail on a donkey that says " get her gaurd down boys and then watch the fun commence" lol Seriously I laugh but really I am not laughing out of fun or hilarity I am laughing at the joke that seems to be becoming my relationship life. In fact as I type this i have my head slightly turned so all the macho welders cannot see the tear that insists on welling up in my eye ! damn tear lol
I think that what really gets me is this was not a serious thing yet in anyway there were things still nit picking at me that I was trying to figure out. However clearly it meant more then I may have at first thought
So its is potentially back to square 1 for me yet again. You know what I am not sure I can go through the hassle of trying to get to square 2 3 and 4 again. It is so much effort for me to get there and feel safe there. I was getting there or at least to square 2 and yes I did feel safe.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
October - Monthly Update
Yep another month has rolled on by at warp bloody speed!
It has been needless to say a hetic action filled month for me this time round. So here we go !
Firstly it was my Birthday on the 30th. I decided not to do a happy birthday post to myself this year. I had a wicked first bday in 6 years in Canada! I got some truly lovely presents as well. Firstly mum got me ( after much hinting and insitance) a ipod touch. It has been fused to my hand since the day I got it ! lol So needless to say I am on a music junkie kck. Currently listening to : me first and the gimmie gimmies , palin white t's feist, ill scarlett to name a few.
Aron my ever so lovely best and oldest friend got me some really nice gifts. which was to much !! But I adore them and they mean a huge amount to me as she does.
Beth the rockstar wife in training has out done herself as well!! As a bday pressie and for looking after her 2 stunning ponies her dad and her are making me my own tack box for all my riding gear. You have to understand to buy one is a small fortune so I was touched and very pleased about that.
The birthday night.....oh what a night!! I had a shared pub crawl with Allan who's bday was just before mine. So we did a halloween crawl. Needless to say it was messy and fun. Supose you wish to know what I went as?......hmmmmm....A slutty Fairy ! God my family is proud of me let me tell ya ! So short black dress, giant red fairy wings,, wand, fishnet stockings, knee high boots and a entire bottle of sparkles ! lol OH and excessively big hairy. It was so much fun. I have no recollection of getting to my bed that night although I do remember shaving ricardo's head for him..yeah I am serious when i say that ...I did it drunk ..very drunk !
My love life...hmmm such a hard one to explain. One that I am thinking I will let lie for now as it is all very confusing and I do not know if I am coming or going. I will say this I just want uncomplicated affection, straight forward no hidden shit just a normal thing. It appears to be harder the one would believe trust me.
Ok so I had my first winter driving epxerince. We had snow on the 26th and it was like being back in the damn UK. People were in panic mode. Brakes being slammed cars in ditches stupid drivers everywhere. By the time i got to work at 7:30 ...I needed a drink!! Roll on winter is all I have to say !!!
Last weekend we had our annual bonfire party and it is pure drunken foolishness !! so much so someone called the fire department and police!! I am so serious. They were very good thoguh and told us they saw nothing wrong with our party and told us we could continue and continue we did people. I woke up the next morning to 15people sleeping in the house in various areas...always a good sign of a good Taylpor family get together lol
Thats about it really. November is well on its way. I am hoping for a good month and a fun month. Possibly not such a lonely month as I will admit October felt like a unsure and lonely month. So here we go 1 more down 2 more to go till the end of another year !!
( 47 days to Christmas people !!! lol )
It has been needless to say a hetic action filled month for me this time round. So here we go !
Firstly it was my Birthday on the 30th. I decided not to do a happy birthday post to myself this year. I had a wicked first bday in 6 years in Canada! I got some truly lovely presents as well. Firstly mum got me ( after much hinting and insitance) a ipod touch. It has been fused to my hand since the day I got it ! lol So needless to say I am on a music junkie kck. Currently listening to : me first and the gimmie gimmies , palin white t's feist, ill scarlett to name a few.
Aron my ever so lovely best and oldest friend got me some really nice gifts. which was to much !! But I adore them and they mean a huge amount to me as she does.
Beth the rockstar wife in training has out done herself as well!! As a bday pressie and for looking after her 2 stunning ponies her dad and her are making me my own tack box for all my riding gear. You have to understand to buy one is a small fortune so I was touched and very pleased about that.
The birthday night.....oh what a night!! I had a shared pub crawl with Allan who's bday was just before mine. So we did a halloween crawl. Needless to say it was messy and fun. Supose you wish to know what I went as?......hmmmmm....A slutty Fairy ! God my family is proud of me let me tell ya ! So short black dress, giant red fairy wings,, wand, fishnet stockings, knee high boots and a entire bottle of sparkles ! lol OH and excessively big hairy. It was so much fun. I have no recollection of getting to my bed that night although I do remember shaving ricardo's head for him..yeah I am serious when i say that ...I did it drunk ..very drunk !
My love life...hmmm such a hard one to explain. One that I am thinking I will let lie for now as it is all very confusing and I do not know if I am coming or going. I will say this I just want uncomplicated affection, straight forward no hidden shit just a normal thing. It appears to be harder the one would believe trust me.
Ok so I had my first winter driving epxerince. We had snow on the 26th and it was like being back in the damn UK. People were in panic mode. Brakes being slammed cars in ditches stupid drivers everywhere. By the time i got to work at 7:30 ...I needed a drink!! Roll on winter is all I have to say !!!
Last weekend we had our annual bonfire party and it is pure drunken foolishness !! so much so someone called the fire department and police!! I am so serious. They were very good thoguh and told us they saw nothing wrong with our party and told us we could continue and continue we did people. I woke up the next morning to 15people sleeping in the house in various areas...always a good sign of a good Taylpor family get together lol
Thats about it really. November is well on its way. I am hoping for a good month and a fun month. Possibly not such a lonely month as I will admit October felt like a unsure and lonely month. So here we go 1 more down 2 more to go till the end of another year !!
( 47 days to Christmas people !!! lol )
Sick and left to Analyze my Own Thoughts ...Very Dangerous lol
I am home sick today from work. I ended up getting a evil cold and even though i completely believe I would have been able to work my way through this as it is just a cold my boss demanded i take a day off.....who am I to argue ???
I am never very good at being off work to be truthful. I get a number of feelings going on. Firstly it is guilt for not being at work ( trust me when I say that the place is NOT going to fall apart without me lol )
I feel useless as well. I mean seriously there is only so much daytime telly a girl can watch before going insane.
But my worst day off work offence is over thinking and over analyzing things in my life and surroundings. It gets so bad when I am on my own and left to my own devices you know.
Today it has been the analyzng of the following: Do you ever feel as though you are the only one who makes the effort? I do or at least I am convincing myself that I do. It is likely I am not the only one making the effort however due to being left for a day without my normal distractions of work, customers, driving etc I am thinking and believing I am.
I for once in my life like to be the one not always making the fucking effort!!!! I would love to be the one where people make the effort for rather then me having to do all the fucking hard work all the time!!
I keep picking people in my life that do not seem to want to make the effort. Do I excude a big neon sign blinking " DO NOT BOTHER MAKING EFFORT SHE SERIOUSLY DOES NOT MIND PEOPLE" ???? I must do you know because it keeps happening to me lol lol. Is it to much to ask for someone to call yourather then you calling them or for someone to ask how you are before you do ? NO!
I would like to think I am not a needy person and I do honestly believe I am not. What I have always been in my life though is the person that looks after others whether it be friends or boyfriends. I have always been the one that feels the need to make sure everyone else is ok everyone is healthy or happy. But you know what I would like for once to be on the recieving end of that. It rarely happens. I would like someone to show concern for me and my well being. I would like someone to look after me when I am sick or to just be there as a distraction. I am thinking that is not to much to ask?
I am never very good at being off work to be truthful. I get a number of feelings going on. Firstly it is guilt for not being at work ( trust me when I say that the place is NOT going to fall apart without me lol )
I feel useless as well. I mean seriously there is only so much daytime telly a girl can watch before going insane.
But my worst day off work offence is over thinking and over analyzing things in my life and surroundings. It gets so bad when I am on my own and left to my own devices you know.
Today it has been the analyzng of the following: Do you ever feel as though you are the only one who makes the effort? I do or at least I am convincing myself that I do. It is likely I am not the only one making the effort however due to being left for a day without my normal distractions of work, customers, driving etc I am thinking and believing I am.
I for once in my life like to be the one not always making the fucking effort!!!! I would love to be the one where people make the effort for rather then me having to do all the fucking hard work all the time!!
I keep picking people in my life that do not seem to want to make the effort. Do I excude a big neon sign blinking " DO NOT BOTHER MAKING EFFORT SHE SERIOUSLY DOES NOT MIND PEOPLE" ???? I must do you know because it keeps happening to me lol lol. Is it to much to ask for someone to call yourather then you calling them or for someone to ask how you are before you do ? NO!
I would like to think I am not a needy person and I do honestly believe I am not. What I have always been in my life though is the person that looks after others whether it be friends or boyfriends. I have always been the one that feels the need to make sure everyone else is ok everyone is healthy or happy. But you know what I would like for once to be on the recieving end of that. It rarely happens. I would like someone to show concern for me and my well being. I would like someone to look after me when I am sick or to just be there as a distraction. I am thinking that is not to much to ask?
Monday, November 05, 2007
PenPals With Canadian Soliders
I have been thinking and wanting to write to Canadian Soliders in Afganistan. Not just write one letter to but to be able to have a pen pal. I think of it as my way to make their long time over seas in a hostel land that little bit more.
I have searched all over the internet to try and find such a program. All I have been able to find is either pen pal programs for American soliders OR just messae boards for our Canadian soliders.
Does such a thing not exist ?? Has anyone actually ever found such a place where one can write back and forth between soliders from Canada?
It is so so annoying that I cannot find this anywhere you know
I have searched all over the internet to try and find such a program. All I have been able to find is either pen pal programs for American soliders OR just messae boards for our Canadian soliders.
Does such a thing not exist ?? Has anyone actually ever found such a place where one can write back and forth between soliders from Canada?
It is so so annoying that I cannot find this anywhere you know
The Things that Make me Happy and the Things that Irritate Me
It can be said that I irritate easily. I believe I got this from my Dad. Genetically I have received is genes of irritation.
Although I irritate easily, which most of my friends and family can attest to, I do have so many things that make me happy. Lots of little things as well. Nothing big or flashy just as the irritants are not over big flashy things either.
Things That Irritate Me:
Drivers that sit in the fast/passing lane even though the are not actually passing anyone !! This sends me over the edge of reason ! This has been a pet peeve since day one of driving and will remain that way till the day I die!
Commercials on television. This is a recently new irritation. It has been brought on due to the fact that I was spoiled in the UK. See over there on the BBC there are no commercials J It just rocked me world living there and watching television. Not the case here in Canada. There seems to be commercials over here every 5 minutes and the same shitty ones over and over and over.
One of my biggest pet peeves is not being called back, emailed back text back written back. Any form of communication that is lacking pisses me off endlessly. I have this line of thought that if I spent the time to communicate with you then you can have the common curteosy of communicating back to me. If you do not like me and do not want to communicate then tell me so. I am a big girl I am pretty sure I can handle the rejection. For some reason it works me up I get so irritated about it.
This is a odd one. Sleeping alone irritates me. Most people relish sleeping alone. They crave it, look forward to it, some people need it. I am however the complete opposite. I relish sleeping next to someone. I do not sleep well alone. It is a lighter more restless sleep for me. Which then leads to even more irritation the next day….trust me a over tired irritated Louisa is not a person you want to cross …ever. I think it is a safety or a comforting feeling to sleep next to someone hence sleeping so much better with someone next to me.
I hate always being the one to initiate things. By this I mean plans for going out or phone conversations. I hate being the one that appears to be the “pushy” one. I would like it if people called me before I call them to see how they are or to make plans. For some reason it makes me feel pushy or over bearing which is most certainly not the case.
Other little irritants:
Rude people, bigots, people with bad phone manners, small irritating children, yippy little dogs, people that dress up there yippy little dogs ( it’s a dog it does not need to be dressed up people ) bad customer service, bad boyfriends ( I have had my share trust me ! ), boyfriends who won’t commit ( yes every girl hates this people). In fact this list could go on forever. So just be safe in the knowledge I irritate over simple and little things.
Things That Make Me Happy:
When people smile at me. Not just a “smile” but a smile from the eyes or from the heart. Trust me I can tell the difference of what is just a smile and a smile that means “ I am happy to see you “ or one that says “ you make me smile like this Louisa” It’s a little thing but a little thing that makes me happy.
Knowing when I have made someones day. Whether it is by a action I did in the day to make their day that much better or if it is something I have said to make them happy. Making others happy makes me happy.
Cooking for someone I like or love. I adore the looks on their faces when they are eating something I have made that makes them happy. This makes me feel useful as though I have done something good to please someone.
The simplest happy moments are for me are when I am curled up on a couch with someone watching a movie or just TV. It gives me the happy feeling. It is simple and great.
I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH ! Turns out I am good at that and it makes me happy J
You know being in a relationship makes me happy. It makes me feel as though there is a purpose in life when I am with someone who wants to be with me for being me.
Riding horses. Horses are the one thing I can shut off round. As well as being able to have a completely clear mind and a purpose it just makes me leap with Joy inside.
I am soooo happy when I give people gifts. By gifts I do not mean big extravagant ones but little meaningful ones. A book that means something in particular to the person. A card to make them laugh, things to help people when they are not well. It makes me happy to know I have made that persons day a little brighter.
Other things that make me happy:
Gerber daisy flowers, Sunny days, BBQ’s, my friends, my family, my animals, my life, the color yellow, people who love me or appreciate me, good nights out, funny stories from those nights out, going to dinner with someone special, traveling. Again this list could be endless you know
So there you go my irritant and happy lists. Both could be endless lists. I wrote this entry today as a form of therapy today you know. I needed to write it to get things of my chest and clarify a few things….its worked. My blog as I have said before is my therapy. This is the purpose of me writing here. I know I babble enslessly but you know as I have said before if you do not like it do not read it I am not forcing you to. But remember this it is my blog and my therapy and todays entry has most certainly cleared my mind for the day. Lately I have been a bundle of emotions and endless thoughts about such inconsequential things and writing it down has helped. Its like venting people !
Although I irritate easily, which most of my friends and family can attest to, I do have so many things that make me happy. Lots of little things as well. Nothing big or flashy just as the irritants are not over big flashy things either.
Things That Irritate Me:
Drivers that sit in the fast/passing lane even though the are not actually passing anyone !! This sends me over the edge of reason ! This has been a pet peeve since day one of driving and will remain that way till the day I die!
Commercials on television. This is a recently new irritation. It has been brought on due to the fact that I was spoiled in the UK. See over there on the BBC there are no commercials J It just rocked me world living there and watching television. Not the case here in Canada. There seems to be commercials over here every 5 minutes and the same shitty ones over and over and over.
One of my biggest pet peeves is not being called back, emailed back text back written back. Any form of communication that is lacking pisses me off endlessly. I have this line of thought that if I spent the time to communicate with you then you can have the common curteosy of communicating back to me. If you do not like me and do not want to communicate then tell me so. I am a big girl I am pretty sure I can handle the rejection. For some reason it works me up I get so irritated about it.
This is a odd one. Sleeping alone irritates me. Most people relish sleeping alone. They crave it, look forward to it, some people need it. I am however the complete opposite. I relish sleeping next to someone. I do not sleep well alone. It is a lighter more restless sleep for me. Which then leads to even more irritation the next day….trust me a over tired irritated Louisa is not a person you want to cross …ever. I think it is a safety or a comforting feeling to sleep next to someone hence sleeping so much better with someone next to me.
I hate always being the one to initiate things. By this I mean plans for going out or phone conversations. I hate being the one that appears to be the “pushy” one. I would like it if people called me before I call them to see how they are or to make plans. For some reason it makes me feel pushy or over bearing which is most certainly not the case.
Other little irritants:
Rude people, bigots, people with bad phone manners, small irritating children, yippy little dogs, people that dress up there yippy little dogs ( it’s a dog it does not need to be dressed up people ) bad customer service, bad boyfriends ( I have had my share trust me ! ), boyfriends who won’t commit ( yes every girl hates this people). In fact this list could go on forever. So just be safe in the knowledge I irritate over simple and little things.
Things That Make Me Happy:
When people smile at me. Not just a “smile” but a smile from the eyes or from the heart. Trust me I can tell the difference of what is just a smile and a smile that means “ I am happy to see you “ or one that says “ you make me smile like this Louisa” It’s a little thing but a little thing that makes me happy.
Knowing when I have made someones day. Whether it is by a action I did in the day to make their day that much better or if it is something I have said to make them happy. Making others happy makes me happy.
Cooking for someone I like or love. I adore the looks on their faces when they are eating something I have made that makes them happy. This makes me feel useful as though I have done something good to please someone.
The simplest happy moments are for me are when I am curled up on a couch with someone watching a movie or just TV. It gives me the happy feeling. It is simple and great.
I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH ! Turns out I am good at that and it makes me happy J
You know being in a relationship makes me happy. It makes me feel as though there is a purpose in life when I am with someone who wants to be with me for being me.
Riding horses. Horses are the one thing I can shut off round. As well as being able to have a completely clear mind and a purpose it just makes me leap with Joy inside.
I am soooo happy when I give people gifts. By gifts I do not mean big extravagant ones but little meaningful ones. A book that means something in particular to the person. A card to make them laugh, things to help people when they are not well. It makes me happy to know I have made that persons day a little brighter.
Other things that make me happy:
Gerber daisy flowers, Sunny days, BBQ’s, my friends, my family, my animals, my life, the color yellow, people who love me or appreciate me, good nights out, funny stories from those nights out, going to dinner with someone special, traveling. Again this list could be endless you know
So there you go my irritant and happy lists. Both could be endless lists. I wrote this entry today as a form of therapy today you know. I needed to write it to get things of my chest and clarify a few things….its worked. My blog as I have said before is my therapy. This is the purpose of me writing here. I know I babble enslessly but you know as I have said before if you do not like it do not read it I am not forcing you to. But remember this it is my blog and my therapy and todays entry has most certainly cleared my mind for the day. Lately I have been a bundle of emotions and endless thoughts about such inconsequential things and writing it down has helped. Its like venting people !
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Most Anxiety Filled Day Of Every Week
So you are asking why would there be one day every week which is filled with Anxiety?? Trust me in my working week there is.
It is not for reasons you may think like payroll or end of month or even complaints days. It is for the following reason.
Thursday is Check Pool Day. You are no likely asking what is this check pool day thing?? I will explain it for you all. Basically everyone puts in 5.00 dollars every Thursday to the pool. In a bag there are little metal discs with numbers. You have an pre arranged number for your disc (mine is 259). At the 2:30 tea break the draw is made. First place gets all the money second place gets a free in to the following weeks draw. The booty generally averages around about 350 bucks so it’s not bad really for free money. At Christmas everyone puts in 20 dollars and that one averages at 2000.00 bucks!!
So every Thursday I am nervously waiting to see if I have won. I sit at my desk and wait to hear the giant air horn sound off indicating that the break is over which means the winner is about to get his or her money. It is a fraught and nerve racking time I tell you!
See there is another issue. Along with being nervous about winning I am also a “marked” woman. I actually won the check pool the very first time I went into it. This was my first week of work. I then won again 3 weeks later AND again 1 and half months later. So far I have made just under 1000.00 dollars on the check pool. You are now wondering why I am a marked women right? Well there are guys who have worked here for over 30 years. The average working time at this company is about 20 years….people do not leave….ever. These guys have NEVER won the check pool. Yet here I come the new young estimator office girl and just start winning!! When I walk across the main welding shop floor to get to the main front offices I swear I can feel holes being burnt into my back by the disgruntled losing welders or if it’s not from their eyes it could be their welding torches! I keep my head down and truck on through the shop floor for fear of death by welding torch or grinding machine.
So yes Thursday’s at 2:40 pm are the most anxiety filled time of the week for me….
* Note: I did not win this week …oh well
It is not for reasons you may think like payroll or end of month or even complaints days. It is for the following reason.
Thursday is Check Pool Day. You are no likely asking what is this check pool day thing?? I will explain it for you all. Basically everyone puts in 5.00 dollars every Thursday to the pool. In a bag there are little metal discs with numbers. You have an pre arranged number for your disc (mine is 259). At the 2:30 tea break the draw is made. First place gets all the money second place gets a free in to the following weeks draw. The booty generally averages around about 350 bucks so it’s not bad really for free money. At Christmas everyone puts in 20 dollars and that one averages at 2000.00 bucks!!
So every Thursday I am nervously waiting to see if I have won. I sit at my desk and wait to hear the giant air horn sound off indicating that the break is over which means the winner is about to get his or her money. It is a fraught and nerve racking time I tell you!
See there is another issue. Along with being nervous about winning I am also a “marked” woman. I actually won the check pool the very first time I went into it. This was my first week of work. I then won again 3 weeks later AND again 1 and half months later. So far I have made just under 1000.00 dollars on the check pool. You are now wondering why I am a marked women right? Well there are guys who have worked here for over 30 years. The average working time at this company is about 20 years….people do not leave….ever. These guys have NEVER won the check pool. Yet here I come the new young estimator office girl and just start winning!! When I walk across the main welding shop floor to get to the main front offices I swear I can feel holes being burnt into my back by the disgruntled losing welders or if it’s not from their eyes it could be their welding torches! I keep my head down and truck on through the shop floor for fear of death by welding torch or grinding machine.
So yes Thursday’s at 2:40 pm are the most anxiety filled time of the week for me….
* Note: I did not win this week …oh well
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The Toll of Humans and Animals in California Fires
I have been following the fires in California closely over the last few weeks. I do not believe that any television pictures or newspaper articles can do justice to the immense scale of this fire.
In my mind it does not matter whether a house is 1 million dollars or 100,000 dollars or who the owners are. What matters is the fact that these people are having their entire lives absolutely and utterly devastated right now and it is virtually out of their control and hands.
What I was however happy to see is the organization of the entire operation of evacuation. Clearly lessons have been learned from New Orleans. Although the 2 disasters are like comparing apples and oranges the basic principles of rescue and survival are identical. I read an article on ABC news regarding the NFL stadium where the vast majority of people seem to be going to. It was both heartbreaking and touching at the same time. Hotels are putting big buffets on for the people. There are massages for free. It’s organized and most importantly CIVILIZED! These things are not paid for by the government. The hotels donated the food and the massages are being offered by a women also displaced by these fires. What I found disheartening from the article were the comments from their fellow Americans complaining that this never happened in New Orleans, they pulled the rich card, the race card and the “its California card” Guess what …they are humans ! They learnt from previous mistakes and found a better way to deal with a tragic situation.
But one of the things that I have followed even more closely is the animals, pets, equines and zoos. I am an animal lover. I believe as much as we need to help ourselves we need to rescue and help them as well as they cannot rescue themselves.
The SHEER scale of the horse rescues actually brought a tear to my eye. Fellow horse people like myself will know you would lay your life down for your horse friend and that what is happening. A rescue center has been set up in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Hundreds upon thousands of horses, cows, pigs, dogs and cats are being brought in by owners SPCA and random citizens with amazing hearts. The horses have their owner’s phone numbers and where they can be found shaved straight into their coats.
If I had the money the means the time I would actually go and help in all honesty. But reading what efforts have already been made has eased my mind. There are stories of families not in direct danger taking as many animals as possible into their homes and onto their land.
All this has given me a slightly altered perspective on the American people. I will not be the harsh critic I usually am in regards to them on this disaster. They are doing the most admiral job possible. Between the fire services, rescue services, SPCA, Animal cruelty units, Police and most importantly the public and residents they are making the best of a bad situation and handling it in a way that is beyond words to describe.
In my mind it does not matter whether a house is 1 million dollars or 100,000 dollars or who the owners are. What matters is the fact that these people are having their entire lives absolutely and utterly devastated right now and it is virtually out of their control and hands.
What I was however happy to see is the organization of the entire operation of evacuation. Clearly lessons have been learned from New Orleans. Although the 2 disasters are like comparing apples and oranges the basic principles of rescue and survival are identical. I read an article on ABC news regarding the NFL stadium where the vast majority of people seem to be going to. It was both heartbreaking and touching at the same time. Hotels are putting big buffets on for the people. There are massages for free. It’s organized and most importantly CIVILIZED! These things are not paid for by the government. The hotels donated the food and the massages are being offered by a women also displaced by these fires. What I found disheartening from the article were the comments from their fellow Americans complaining that this never happened in New Orleans, they pulled the rich card, the race card and the “its California card” Guess what …they are humans ! They learnt from previous mistakes and found a better way to deal with a tragic situation.
But one of the things that I have followed even more closely is the animals, pets, equines and zoos. I am an animal lover. I believe as much as we need to help ourselves we need to rescue and help them as well as they cannot rescue themselves.
The SHEER scale of the horse rescues actually brought a tear to my eye. Fellow horse people like myself will know you would lay your life down for your horse friend and that what is happening. A rescue center has been set up in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Hundreds upon thousands of horses, cows, pigs, dogs and cats are being brought in by owners SPCA and random citizens with amazing hearts. The horses have their owner’s phone numbers and where they can be found shaved straight into their coats.
If I had the money the means the time I would actually go and help in all honesty. But reading what efforts have already been made has eased my mind. There are stories of families not in direct danger taking as many animals as possible into their homes and onto their land.
All this has given me a slightly altered perspective on the American people. I will not be the harsh critic I usually am in regards to them on this disaster. They are doing the most admiral job possible. Between the fire services, rescue services, SPCA, Animal cruelty units, Police and most importantly the public and residents they are making the best of a bad situation and handling it in a way that is beyond words to describe.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Do You Ever Feel Unsure of Yourself or Your Self Worth
I do. I always feel unsure of myself. I am not sure why that is but it is the case with me 100%. I am a very outgoing and straight forward person and tend to try and not let myself get beatr down as I find it generally a waste of time.
However outward apperances are never whats going on inside any person. I have never met a person who matches their inside apperance identically to their outside apperances. I applaud anyone out there who can truthfully and whole heartedly say that this is the case for them!
Inside I do consistently second geuss myself. I have no clue why I do this but I do it. I do it in social situations, I do it in dating situations ( hence the likeliness singledom I seem doomed to aimlessly wander through FOREVER lol) I do it in family situations. I along with my sister and brother were raised to be confident and strong indiviuals. It seemed to have worked with the other 2 but for unexplainable reasons I missed that boat. As I said I may come across as this extremely confident and together girl but inside I am like a a typoon of doubt. When in social situations while speaking outloud it is highly likely inside I am say " OH MY GOD! Shut up Louisa you are making no sense people will laugh at you not with you soon" or " you are not even remotely cool right now, these people could wipe the floor with you in the coolnehess stakes Lou"
When I date or start dating or have been with someone for a while I still get that feeling of dread and fear. The feeling of " you are just a stop gap for this person" or " really they just feel sorry for you hence they date you, like their good deed for the year" You know what that is not the case and I realise that however I cannot seem to stop the freight train which is my thought pattern sometimes! lol It just keeps chugging along irelevent of how good or bad things may be!
I would love the doubt of myself to vanish ...like now!! I will admit that lately it has in social situations. I have learnt to take the attitude of "fuck it, not my problem its their problem" but on occasion it still pops up like a angry wasp. Dating is a whole different kettle of fish though. In the past and recently I have managed to convince myself that the other person is not remotely interested and he is just humoring me. I have been wrong almost 99% of the time!! And yet I still do not learn from the previous hard lesson to stop the doubting lol lol
I do know this as a fact of life and gospel for myself and my life. I know who my friends are. I know that if they heard the little voice in the back of my mind out loud they would slap me silly and knock the voice out. I know that whom ever I date that instinct will kick in as it has in the past and it will crush that self doubt. I know that my friends value my friendship. I know that I actually have a massive earthly amount of self worth and so far that knowledge of myself has won over the doubting thomas in my sub concious. I know that one day I will be one of those sickingly happily married and lovely people out there. I know that when that happens and when I realise the judgement of others has no baring on my life those doubting voices will vanish completely. And for now I will just have to wage a battle to keep the at bay until I know myself fully for myself .......
However outward apperances are never whats going on inside any person. I have never met a person who matches their inside apperance identically to their outside apperances. I applaud anyone out there who can truthfully and whole heartedly say that this is the case for them!
Inside I do consistently second geuss myself. I have no clue why I do this but I do it. I do it in social situations, I do it in dating situations ( hence the likeliness singledom I seem doomed to aimlessly wander through FOREVER lol) I do it in family situations. I along with my sister and brother were raised to be confident and strong indiviuals. It seemed to have worked with the other 2 but for unexplainable reasons I missed that boat. As I said I may come across as this extremely confident and together girl but inside I am like a a typoon of doubt. When in social situations while speaking outloud it is highly likely inside I am say " OH MY GOD! Shut up Louisa you are making no sense people will laugh at you not with you soon" or " you are not even remotely cool right now, these people could wipe the floor with you in the coolnehess stakes Lou"
When I date or start dating or have been with someone for a while I still get that feeling of dread and fear. The feeling of " you are just a stop gap for this person" or " really they just feel sorry for you hence they date you, like their good deed for the year" You know what that is not the case and I realise that however I cannot seem to stop the freight train which is my thought pattern sometimes! lol It just keeps chugging along irelevent of how good or bad things may be!
I would love the doubt of myself to vanish ...like now!! I will admit that lately it has in social situations. I have learnt to take the attitude of "fuck it, not my problem its their problem" but on occasion it still pops up like a angry wasp. Dating is a whole different kettle of fish though. In the past and recently I have managed to convince myself that the other person is not remotely interested and he is just humoring me. I have been wrong almost 99% of the time!! And yet I still do not learn from the previous hard lesson to stop the doubting lol lol
I do know this as a fact of life and gospel for myself and my life. I know who my friends are. I know that if they heard the little voice in the back of my mind out loud they would slap me silly and knock the voice out. I know that whom ever I date that instinct will kick in as it has in the past and it will crush that self doubt. I know that my friends value my friendship. I know that I actually have a massive earthly amount of self worth and so far that knowledge of myself has won over the doubting thomas in my sub concious. I know that one day I will be one of those sickingly happily married and lovely people out there. I know that when that happens and when I realise the judgement of others has no baring on my life those doubting voices will vanish completely. And for now I will just have to wage a battle to keep the at bay until I know myself fully for myself .......
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